Tag Archives: Zion National Park

Yellowstone Diorama

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This idyllic scene of a herd of grazing buffalo in the Lamar valley is not what it seems. It is a specially constructed life-size model prepared by our master dioramaticians here at *The Institute. Many of our readers know that there are many divisions, departments, sections, areas, teams, worker bees and bee-ettes, programs, units, centers, groups, systems, agencies, bureaus, commissions, that make up The Institute. We even have an office just to keep track of all the different divisions, departments etc. where important work is done.

One of our lesser known departments is the bureau of Procurement, Construction and Installation of Dioramas or PCID as it’s known in the trade. It is there that we make the amazing dioramas that you see in many of our National Parks and other places where they don’t have adequate scenic areas for the public to view.

If a National Park or even a scenic-poor state such as Utah or parts of Arizona want to dress up their highway systems with dramatic views they will contact The Institute where we will develop a plan to add interest along some of their more desolate roads, thereby transforming those roads into revenue-producing Scenic Byways. The State or National Park then has the option of adding roadside stands, local entrepreneurs, and whatever local color they think might add interest.

Another use for our patented, modular, fade-resistant, weatherproof dioramas allows game-poor parks such as Yellowstone National Park to have animals in scenic environments on demand for those times when the live animals are not present or have been killed off by local residents around the park.

Our unique but uncanny ability to mimic local conditions, coupled with incredible taxidermy techniques allow our experts to create dioramas such as this Diorama of a buffalo herd along the roadside in the Lamar valley, that defy detection by anyone cruising by it at 45 – 60 mph. Plus our patented Extend-A-View ™ Dioramas let us create dioramas that can extend for several miles along an otherwise dull and boring road, keeping the occupants interested and thinking of lunch or possibly souvenirs of the amazing “Scenery” they are passing by. We can also supply a more complete package with our dioramas that include a complete line of scenery specific souvenirs, knock-down roadside stands, trained actors that can simulate the local culture and color, plus accessories such as a live horse that can be tied to the side of one of our retail units providing sure-fire traffic stopping appeal. Other animals available upon request.

No detail is spared when you order one of our complete dioramas. The diorama above, our deluxe Buffalo Extravaganza, includes approximately 1800 full size American Made, Plains or Mountain Buffalo, each with life-like glass eyes and true-to-life coloring, plus a large assortment of cottonwood trees all with drip tube watering systems, or if necessary due to budget constraints, these trees can be constructed of a special weather-resistant Paper Mache guaranteed for 3 years, and our own proprietary turf made of recycled tires.

Many of you have driven by our dioramas and didn’t realize it. Those of you who have visited Zion National Park and marveled at the Desert Bighorn sheep located near the tunnel at the east side of the park will be surprised to know that was our model “Desert Bighorns and Laser-etched Rock Formation #66903”. Or perhaps you have been to the Mt. Evans Scenic Byway in the Rocky mountains where you will have seen one of our largest installations, the “Mountain Goat and Craggy Scary Drop-off Cliff  installation,  #994216-a”. We provided all the natural looking gray boulders that litter the mountainside and installed close to 3000 life-like Mountain Goats and Bighorn Sheep all over the 14,000’+ mountain, some of them animatronic in nature to provide movement and interest for those hardy tourists wheezing by the side of the road.

We are currently working on a secret installation of a completely different nature than we have ever attempted before, for a not to be named city near Puget sound. The parameters so far are for us to provide a complete aquatic diorama that will include sea life such as ship-resistant whales and animatronic Orcas, or killer whales, that can do tricks such as flip baby seals into the air and catch them in their mouths, plus many other items too numerous to mention. Estimated date of installation will be early 2019.

The next time you’re on a vacation in Yellowstone and see some spectacular looking scenery look for the little brass plaques saying “This Scenery provided by The Institute” to the trees and other hard surfaces and give one of our buffalo a good rap in the side to see how life-like it feels. You’ll be surprised.

* Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Nevermind. Return to your daily activities. Thank you for your support.

Eye Candy

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This is eye candy. It’s up there today because it’s time for something so pretty that you can’t believe it actually exists. Yet it does. Many of you may recognize it as the Narrows in Zion National Park where the Virgin river wends it way through the park and you may have even walked through its icy waters to see other wonders further up-stream. If you have, isn’t it incredible.

It’s the middle of the week and you might just need something like this to brighten your day and give you hope that you can make it ’til the weekend. If so and it worked, you’re welcome. Tune in again and we’ll try and help you with another shot of beauty.

Painter Of Light

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If Thomas Kinkade had been a photographer instead of a world-class painter he might have taken this image. Instead he painted hundreds of paintings of beautiful scenes where light played the most important part of the image. Some critics said his work was over the top, exaggerated, too cute, maudlin and other things critics like to say when the public can understand the work they’re viewing, and not have to have said critic explain it to them. Perhaps that was why he sold thousands of prints of his work in defiance of the critics. It seems like America knows what it likes and wants from its art. And critics be damned.

This is the Virgin river flowing through Zion National Park. It is a view I’m sure Kinkade would have loved to paint. All the colors you see were there, they’ve just been enhanced to produce that Kinkade look. It is also a view where you can see the possibility of the two mediums melding. With a little more magic from the image processing software this could easily emulate a painting, brush strokes and all. I have not chosen to take it that far because first and last, I’m still a photographer and I love the art of the image. I’m not a painter of light, I’m more of a collector of light. And as you can see I’m very fond of this scene and others like it.

So if you happen to be one of those folks with a passion for the bleak, grey, concrete, urban visions of our world I would kindly direct you to that section here on the website. Oh, wait. There is no section like that on the website, sorry.

 

I Hear The Canyons Calling

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I hear the canyons calling

They softly call my name

Come to me they say

Feel the coolness on your skin

Hear the water falling, falling

As you stand in my shadows

As so many have before

Listen as the birds sing my chorus

And the wind carries it away

You need me the canyon says

It’s true, it’s true I know

I hear the canyons calling as

It’s time and I must go

Revisiting The Virgin

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Yes I know it’s Friday. And from the number of angry letters arriving in my inbox you know  it too. It’s not my fault you had a lousy week. I told you that would happen if you kept that kind of attitude but do you listen, nooooooooooooo. So here you are, whining to me about how you need some peace and quiet and it better be damn quick.

Our Friday images are usually chosen to provide you with just that, a soothing comforting glimpse of somewhere you aren’t but would like to be. So today we’ll revisit the Virgin.

The Virgin river in Zion National Park is almost a patented, guaranteed place to soothe those mental aches and pains, return some tranquility to your soul and to give you hope that, yes Virginia, there is a place so achingly beautiful that you can’t be angry or upset or bored or depressed or any of those things that make Friday, Friday. It’s simply not allowed.

Walk along the river’s edge, feel the cool air coming up out of the depths of the canyon, listen to the murmuring of the river as it spends its day slowly rounding the rough unshaped rocks in its bed into perfect orbs of stone. Small birds flit from branch to twig singing their song as you pass by, while over head the sound of a raven calling echoes back and forth against the canyon walls. This is a good place to be.

Alright I know this is a short post today but look at the picture, there’s 1000 or more words there that I don’t have to put down here, because they will do a much better job than I ever could have in telling you about this beautiful place. So look your fill, then head out into that weekend and if things get hectic and overwhelming just remember todays post and revisit the Virgin. It’ll help.

Temp Mid 90’s More to Come

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We have provided the image above of the Temple of Sinawava in Zion National park taken in December when it was cool, to provide you with some relief and to remind you that once there were cooler temperatures here on Earth.

The following is your weather report from the meteorological center at The Institute. This is a copyrighted report and may not be reprinted, sold, or even told to your neighbor without our express written approval. Or you can just pay us as many dollars as you can cram into a fed-ex box and it’s cool. Please no personal checks. Cash, Money order, or Cashier’s check only.

These conditions have existed for the last 900 days on the *ISL scale. Please be advised that these conditions can be hazardous to your health due to the high heat index. They can cause swelling of your electric bill, a burning sensation all over any exposed body part, loss of memory keeping you from remembering what cool feels like, and the pain of listlessness and lethargy. Take protective measures. Stay inside areas with a temperature of 50° or less, take off all your clothes, taking selfies ok but optional, posting those selfies even more optional, (note: some things can not be unseen), eat food items with low calorie content like ice, or other hard water, ice cream, ice cream without calories but ice in it, etc. Keep any exercise above shallow breathing to a minimum. Take naps if needed. (*It Seems Like).

Stn: The Institutes’ Rocky Mountain permanent weather reporting station at our World Headquarters high in the Foothills of northern Colorado.

Temp: Present temperature  94°

MinT: Minimum temperature recorded over the last 18 hours –  94°

MaxT: Maximum temperature  recorded over the last 18 hours –  94°

Forecast: 94° for the foreseeable future

RH: Present RH (95-100%)

WndDir: Wind direction N- NW by S – SE

WndSpd: Wind speed 12-15 mph

WndGust: Wind gust 95mph

Rain_mm: Rain since last report – 4.9″ per day

Snow_cm: Snow since last report – There is no snow. Not Now NOT EVER

Hail mm: Hail since last report – Yes our local index was at “Grill Denter” stage which is just below DefCon 5. This is where the hail was big enough to dent the top of your gas grill while you still had it stored in the garage.

FFMC – Fine Fuel Moisture Code  –  We Don’t know what this is So we don’t use it. Sounds like it could be hot though.

ISI – Initial Spread Index –  100 % Yes this weather is spread all over the damn place

DMC – Duff Moisture Code  –   We Don’t know who Duff is. Never heard of him.

BUI – Build Up Index – The index that tells you when the weather conditions have built up to the point where you want to bite the heads off chickens. BUI presently 92% Hide your chickens.

DC – Drought Code – When you’re about to run out of Ice or the length of time you have been out of ice. Currently 40%

DSR – Daily Severity Rating – Oh yeah This is severe. On a scale of 1-10 this is a Q.

FWI – Fire Weather Index – 1 to 5 – as follows

1: hot

2: hotter

3: pretty damn hot

4: Ok this is hot enough

5: Spontaneous combustion.

Our local rating 7: You should have lived a better life

We hope this has provided you with enough information to allow you to deal with the current weather conditions. If not, we suggest emergency flights to Alert, in the Qikiqtaaluk Region, Nunavut, Canada, which is the northernmost permanently inhabited place in the world, they say it’s cool there. Check your local carriers for flight schedules.

Stay tuned for further weather reports if the weather ever changes. But I wouldn’t get your hopes up.

Nature and the Abstract

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Abstract1977Weeping Rock –  Zion                              click to enlarge

To be honest abstract art is not my favorite art form. If something is so difficult to understand by simply viewing it, that somebody else that I know is not any smarter than me has to explain it, and when they get finished I know less than when they started and I don’t believe one word they are saying anyway, then I find it is usually not worth the effort. And I certainly wouldn’t give you money for it.

Now having said that, some of you might say “well he’s an opinionated S.O.B. isn’t he” and I’m afraid you would be right, at least about the S.O.B. part. And having said that, there are views of nature that fall under the definition of abstract. The deal is, it has to be intuitively understandable even if you have to take a moment to figure out exactly what you’re seeing. It also has to be pretty so that even if you don’t get all of it you like it anyway. You don’t need someone to explain the angst that went into its creation and how it speaks to the duality of man’s convergence with art to transcend the differences in the whole life/death cycle thereby elevating the viewer into a state of intellectual bliss just by being in the same room with it.
 
I remember my dad saying something when he saw some of the abstract stuff that was coming out in the 50’s. We were at a party at some friends house where they were showing off a new painting they had recently acquired by someone named Polack or Pillock or Pollock and it was the latest thing in abstract art and they were struggling mightily to explain all the nuances that were contained in it. When the hostess finally finished her explanation my dad asked , “Yeah but what the hell is it ?”  My dad didn’t care about all the trials and tribulation the artist supposedly had and the demons he conquered to get the paint on the canvas, it was supposed to be a picture. What the hell is it? Of course the hostess was taken aback but at least dad withheld the rest of his comment which was “and it’s goddamned ugly too.” Dad would have been a savage art critic.

Take this view looking out from the alcove behind the waterfall at Weeping rock in Zion. This is about as abstract a nature shot as I can take. Both figuratively and literally. The falling water, the shape of the reeds with their long pointed leaves and the play of light on the different elements in the image all make sense to me, yet they have that abstract quality about them. They don’t have to be explained and they certainly didn’t involve any angst in its creation, unless it was the angst of getting my camera wet going through the waterfall, but I got over that quick enough once I saw the view.

So what’s the deal here. Is this just a rant, railing against abstract art. Nope. It’s just a guy saying what he thinks about something that makes up the largest part of his life. Art. You might disagree and that would be your mistaken, ill-advised and just plain wrong opinion, but hey, it’s your right to do so. Me, I like it easy. No angst, no struggling with all the deeper meanings of life, no having to listen to people who feel superior because they can make up better crap than you can understand, just art, being able to create something that just makes you feel better for having seen it. I’ll struggle with all that duality stuff later.