Tag Archives: Yellowstone National Park

Into Each Park Some Rain Must Fall

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Many years ago when Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was perhaps touring Yellowstone National Park he penned one of his famous poems titled “Rainy Day”. The last two lines of the poem are “Into each park some rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary.” Well this was in 1842 and it is apparently still raining.

Later on the Inkspots were touring the park and covered the poem with their hit song “Into each Park Some Rain Must Fall”. This was back in the early 40’s and Ella Fitzgerald was so taken with it she joined them and together they brought out a jazz version of the song. It was raining that day too.

When we arrived at the park to conduct The Institutes semi-annual inspection it was raining and in fact it rained 15 days out of 17. The two days it didn’t rain we had some sunshine but it quickly turned to rain.

Upon questioning some of the park staff who refused to give us their names, we asked “Why is it freaking raining sooooo much?” We hated to sound like we were whining but enough with the rain already. They had several theories, the most plausible of which was that the animals after a hard winter, spent either hibernating, or standing around buttocks deep in snow, or laying in the dirt somewhere needed some sprucing up before the park officially sprang into high gear after Memorial day. We thought this theory had some merit after being downwind of the buffalo herd as it trudged up the Gibbon canyon. Three hours behind a buffalo herd will give you a new belief in the need for good animal hygiene.

But while some rain is good, great even, there might be too much of a good thing. These animals are now as clean as they are ever going to be. Sparkling, they look like they’ve had the best spa day ever. The Kardashians have never been as clean as these animals and we all know how long they spend at the spa. Weeks.

We thought that the animal washing theory was a little weak and conveyed that fact to the park representative we were speaking to but they adamantly defended this as a valid reason for the rain so, being as they are like official park officials we went along with it. After all if you can’t trust someone who works for the government, who you gonna trust?

So, comfortable with the reasons given for the seemingly endless rain we continued our inspection amongst the squeaky clean animals, enjoying the fresh fragrances of the buffalo and elk and even the grizzlies, although they had a slightly musty odor that went away later in the summer, we were told by the same knowledgeable official who had the rain theory. He said “Trust me, come back in August and smell one, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.” We gave that assignment to one of our newest interns.

We have provided you with an image of a high country valley being rained on as we toured up to Mt. Washburn, one of the highest peaks in the park, where it was raining. But with sweet-smelling ground squirrels and Stellar Jays accompanying us we hardly noticed. The rain. I think that was day nine. That was a particularly rainy day.

Note : To those of you tuning in late the following posts will catch you up on preceding events. There is no extra charge for this service it is included in the cost of admission. We know you don’t want to miss a minute of our fascinating but undocumented report.

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/the-words-out/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/announcement-13/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/yellowstone-passes-inspection/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/ghosts-in-the-darkness/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/you-dont-see-that-every-day/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/now-are-the-foxes/

You Don’t See That Every Day

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As our Inspection tour of Yellowstone National park proceeded in an orderly fashion we began inventorying the bears, both grizzly and black, the next step on our check list. This is a task we look forward to each year. We found that there were the appropriate number of each type scattered throughout the park and all seemed to be pulling their own weight.

At each new bear sighting we would release one of our costumed interns (see this post for details on costumed interns: http://www.bigshotsnow.com/yellowstone-passes-inspection/ ) to test the bears reaction to prey animals and sure enough the bear, mostly the grizzlies, would immediately approach the screaming intern and take the necessary action required.

This bear, who the park service refers to as bear #609 or something like that, because ‘they don’t name their animals’ according to one snooty ranger, but we refer to as Tyrone, reacted differently to our frantically struggling intern and obviously put off by the interns pitiful cries immediately jumped in the Yellowstone river. In all our years of inspecting Yellowstone we had never before seen a bear react this way. Like jump into the freaking river, you know? This was definitely irregular behavior and we are certainly going to include it in our report.

We had been following this bear for about two miles as it made its way over hill and dale observing it closely from a distance of about ¼ of a mile, noticing that it was acting in a manner that was out of character, or as we call it in scientific terms, ‘hinky’, for a grizzly bear. It would stop occasionally to sniff, then roll in a patch of wildflowers, always wriggling in obvious enjoyment. It passed by several yellow-bellied marmots, one of a grizzly’s favorite snacks in favor of nibbling tender grass shoots and the bark off an elderberry bush. We knew from previous sightings that grizzlies would often stop and lick shrubbery, even sometimes pulling the leaves off of the plant to eat them, but always they did this in a manner befitting the grizzly image, with much snarling and roaring, even shredding the bush with its razor-sharp claws.

Tyrone, or bear # 609 if you prefer like that condescending ranger, exhibited none of these traits. Even when we shoved the now crazed intern, the one dressed in the wounded elk calf costume, directly in his path, he simply stepped over him and continued on his way. It was then that we formed the startling new theory that quite possibly, almost assuredly, Tyrone was a Vegan. Now you’ve got to admit, you don’t see that every day.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your viewpoint, the intern, now past any form of coherence managed to wriggle out of his wounded elk calf costume and immediately began running down the highway towards Fishing Bridge where they have a phone and public transportation, presumably to bail on the program. There’s no way he’s getting paid as it clearly states in the contract he signed prior to the inspection trip, that all duties had to be fulfilled completely and professionally or you would not receive your salary, let alone any bonus for making it through alive. The screaming alone disqualified him, that ‘s unprofessional, even before he thought of bailing. We’ve had interns break and run before so we’ve got this locked up pretty tight contract-wise.

Of secondary importance, right after discovering that Tyrone was a Vegan, was the fact that here’s a grizzly bear, and a pretty big one too, swimming across the Yellowstone river. How cool is that? We just wish it had been one of the big butch grizzlies all full of raging bearliness instead of a leaf eating Vegan. But you can’t have everything. We saw it and now so did you, and like we said, you don’t see that every day.

Yellowstone Passes Inspection

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Those of you who follow the blog religiously or even non-religiously, know that we have just been on our bi-annual inspection trip of Yellowstone National park. We let you know of our plans to inspect the park in this posting http://www.bigshotsnow.com/the-words-out/ . Well we’re back and we are excited to announce that Yellowstone has passed its inspection with flying colors.

As mentioned before we went up there this year with a new research vessel, aptly named The Mothership, a newly commissioned, completely overhauled and refitted land yacht, large enough and strong enough to be able to tow our shuttle craft and haul the nearly eight dozen interns we intended to use as bait animal aggressiveness testing investigators. We had decided on a new strategy this trip which included dressing our interns up in various animal costumes, to mimic small prey and injured or helpless larger animals such as an elk calf with a damaged leg, etc. to see if the predator population in the park would act in an appropriate manner or not.

We have good news and bad news as to the success of that strategy. The good news was the predators acted in a completely predictable way when confronted with our bait animal aggressiveness testing investigators. The bad news is it resulted in a complete loss of every single one of our interns. That’s a great big oops on our part. We were hoping that at least a few of them would make it through the different testing situations but that was not to be the case. However we are able to completely verify that a wolf will always be a wolf and a bear will always be a bear.

After completing the section on our report titled “Predator population still aggressive in its pursuit of prey” we were able to check that item off as a yes and get on with the rest of the inspection. This resulted in The Director, who is of course me, having to handle a much larger work load than originally considered. (Note to self: Consider holding back some of the interns in the next inspection this fall to do all of the crap work required.) But as one who leads from the front we sucked it up and got on with all the remaining tasks involved in completing an inspection of a facility as large as Yellowstone National Park.

There are many, many areas to be checked to complete this task and over the following days we will attempt to show you the various areas and critical events which must take place to keep the park functioning at the level expected by the visiting public. Are the young being born on time? Are the thermal events turned on and operating properly? Are the predators doing their jobs? Well we can cross that one off now. We know the answer to that one. Are there the proper number of smaller activities being performed, birds doing bird stuff, plants situated in the most scenic areas, large overviews of the park like snow being on the peaks in the Lamar valley, rivers running up to their banks but not over, all the usual stuff the public doesn’t notice until it’s not there.

We can state at this time that park is functioning exactly as required. Our first function check, the one we do right before we release the interns, is to see if the Buffalo, especially the bulls, are placed strategically throughout the park and in the proper numbers. As our inspection of the park always begins through the West entrance of the park along the Madison river, it is imperative that a master bull, one of the better looking more regal appearing ones, be stationed just past Seven mile bridge, in the first major meadow but not too far from the road, so it can fulfill its duty as the official icon of the park. We checked that one off as done.

Watch this space for further reports on your very favorite national park. Tomorrow should bring something interesting.

Announcement !

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As you could tell by reading yesterday’s post I’m on my way to Yellowstone National Park. http://www.bigshotsnow.com/the-words-out/  to take pictures and boldly go where everybody else has gone before. Since my last visit I have increased the number of research vehicles here at the Institute by one, adding the Mothership, a 30′ fully articulated vessel similar to the Black ships that plied the Sea of Japan in the early 1700’s, but with color TV and a microwave, and a place to store cookies, she has now become the stately old grand dame of our fleet. Able to tow our shuttle craft, we are completely self-contained and able to stay out on our journey’s for weeks at a time.

I hope to be able to post more frequently on this trip due to the increased technology included in the Mothership with the addition of improvements such as a table to place my webernet connection device, electricity to power all of the incredible technology installed in the IT room, and a electric hot plate to make my tea in the morning. Without my tea nothing happens, nothing, so this is a very necessary improvement over the coal fires used in the Bokeh Maru.  As we will be touring the wilds of Montana, Wyoming and Idaho comfort and convenience are paramount. Our previous ship the Bokeh Maru has assumed other duties, although still remaining one of our principal vehicles in the exploration of the known universe, her role is to be more of a scout ship, used primarily for shorter forays. She will enter dry-dock for a D&C, or Dusting and Cleaning as it’s known in the trade, her reward for years of faithful service, then it will be back to work, hauling interns to projects, running down to the mailbox for the mail, and ferrying dignitaries up the hill to The Institute.

Now, having said I would post more frequently you must understand that this is still the 21st century and there are limitations at hand. There are unseen forces out there at work with nothing to do but bollix up our best laid plans and all that, so if I don’t post for a few days in a row do not freak. I’ll be bock. And if like in most or our explorations, where everything goes completely to hell in a hand basket, and I don’t post at all I’ll be back in a couple of weeks with stories to tell, adventures to relate, and clothes to wash. So wish us Bon voyage, steady winds at our backs, and remember, I’ll be thinking about you.

The Word’s Out

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When we, and the we would be me, The Director of the World Famous Institute and any of the many staffers and interns we choose to bring along, attempt to slip into Yellowstone National Park for our annual inspection tour, we try to do it on the sly. We don’t want the usual Pomp And Circumstance, the parades, the cheering crowds, we want to be able to travel anonymously through out the park without everyone coming up for autographs and offers of sexual favors and incredible investment possibilities. We’re here to work.

But somehow and to this date I have never figured out how, the word gets out. No matter how carefully we tell people that we’re going back to the park and it’s like a secret, don’t tell anybody kind of thing, the animals, the park personnel, the wait staff at all the park restaurants, they all seem to know about it before we do. As a wildlife photographer I can only assume we have a mole in our organization.

Our advance scouts that we send in to get things scoped out for us have been sending back pictures and as you can see all the major players are aware of our impending arrival. It ‘s like when a restaurant gets advance notice that the health inspector is coming, you won’t find a cleaner kitchen. You could do surgery in that kitchen. Well it’s the same in the park. The wolves clean up their act, only killing the healthy good looking elk and not showing you the carcasses of all the little rabbits, voles, dead stuff off the highway and other disgusting things they eat. This hampers our ability to get the nitty-gritty on what’s really going on.

 The wolves are the smartest ones of the bunch and they post watchers around the most likely spots we’ll hit, like this one at the Cascade Creek area near Canyon. We’ve seen this guy before and he is a world-class blabbermouth. If he’s seen our scouts and you can be sure he has, he’s looking right at one, we might as well abandon any hope of getting an accurate picture of park activities. This will not keep us from making our annual inspection however. We’ll be there but this time we have a surprise in store for them. This time we’re going in disguised.

That’s right. We have created costumes for some of our intern volunteers to wear, such as a badger, a cottontail, an elk calf with a damaged leg, things that the wolves wouldn’t touch if they knew we were coming in to inspect. This will hopefully allow us to get close enough to the wolves and other predators so we can photograph them and the conditions they’re living in. Now, we’re sharing this information with you, our loyal readers, so you’re aware of how we get some of the incredible exposes, not to mention world class photos that we’re famous for, but you’ve got to keep this quiet, otherwise it is not going to work and if you’ve blabbed there’s a good chance we could lose some or even all of our interns.

OK then. That’s it. We’ll be off real soon for the Spring inspection at Yellowstone National Park and we’ll do our best to bring you first hand accounts of everything that transpires. So stay tuned and watch this space for further developments.

P.S. we are always looking for bright young volunteers to fill our intern ranks. Send name and working phone number to the Director, % The institute and please be able to write your name as we need it for the Release of Liability form our lawyers require of all new workers.

Unattended Landscapes

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Listen up America! we have just discovered a huge and growing problem in our favorite National parks. That problem is “Unattended Landscapes”. That’s right, some of our most desirable sought after landscapes, the very reason many of us go to these National parks, are being left unattended. Look closely at this image and you will see that there is not a single attendant anywhere. We even went down there and looked around the corner at the river and yelled a lot to see if anyone would answer and there wasn’t a soul.

This particular landscape happens to be on the Firehole river in Yellowstone National park, a park known for its attention to wildlife and the comfort of its visitors, and we found that not only was this portion of the landscape unattended but there were great huge stretches of the river that did not have a single person watching it. We were stunned. What is happening here? We pay enormous taxes to run this country right and we find that there are huge gaps in the allocation of that money. At least as far as protecting our scenic treasures goes. What is that money being used for? Sneaky, stealthy new bombers that we can send to wreck other people’s scenic areas? What about us. What about our important problems?  Where are the concrete attendants shacks? Where are the white hybrid cars with the big national park stickers all over the doors? Where are the attendants? Where are the klieg lights to turn on to see if anything is messing with our landscapes after dark? This is shameful. Is this happening in our other National parks as well?

This is a question we intend to pursue and we will get to the bottom of this situation. There are the makings of a national disgrace here and we’re not going to stop until we have examined every national park, scenic highway and byway, every national monument, state, county and local park, all those scenic areas on federal land that are visible from the highway, anything that looks landscapey, until these areas are fully attended and protected. We believe the problem of Unattended Landscapes is going to be our next national crisis.

Some of you may be saying “What’s the big hairy deal, some of these places have been unattended for a long time.” Well our response is “Yeah, So what ? What are you a communist?” There’s lots of reasons we need to attend to our scenic areas. Things have changed since Teddy Roosevelt was around. We’ve got more people now and some of them are bad. We’ve got people who want to mow down all the shrubbery and drill for oil in the middle of the Firehole river and there’s terrorists that want to sneak in and blow up a tree or something. We’ve got no idea what can happen. Some of these scenic places are irreplaceable. You don’t just go in there and stand them up willy-nilly wherever you feel like it.

We know that some of you may have already noticed this situation and perhaps even begun acting on it but we need everyone to support this important movement. We cannot leave our God-given scenic areas to the happenstance of nonchalance. Get involved. Volunteer. If nothing else go to an unattended scenic landscape and park your car and watch these places. Be an attendant. If you’re unable to spend weeks or months at a scenic site, write your congressman. Send emails to politicians running for office, find out their viewpoints about this problem, then vote your convictions. We’re going to. Several times if it will help. OK then, this is our month to attend to a particularly scenic site along Highway 287 here in Colorado so we have to go. Remember, Pay Attention, Do Your Part, and Be Involved, it’s the right thing to do.

Earth Day 2015

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EarthDay4171Sunset Midway Basin Yellowstone National Park

Happy Earth Day

My words are tied in one with the great mountains,
with the great rocks, with the great trees, in one with my body and heart.
 All of you see me, one with this world.
Yokuts Prayer