Tag Archives: Wal-Mart

Christmas Gift Selection #10 Genuine Emperor Scorpion

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Emperor Scorpion Sierra Leone Africa

Note: This is a repost of one of our Top Ten Gifts for the discerning buyer originally published in December of 2013, a year that will live in infamy. In what has become a half-assed tradition here at The Institute we have been irregularly reposting these now famous gift selections when we remember to do so in a lame attempt to create a Holiday Tradition and mostly because we suddenly realize it’s Christmas time and we don’t have squat done. It’s fun and we don’t have to spend the time making new stuff up. Enjoy

The First item in our Top Ten Countdown of Incredible Christmas gifts

Genuine Emperor Scorpion

*The Institute does more than just solve the world’s problems. We help in many other ways too. Every year our staff puts together a gift list that we offer to our loyal readers to help them with their Christmas shopping. We know that many of you have loved ones that are incredibly difficult to shop for. That’s why we go to the ends of the earth to bring you those items you just can’t find at Wal-Mart. So cheer up help is at hand, watch for the selections we’ve chosen as they appear throughout the rest of the holiday season.

Our first item is the cute but lovable Emperor Scorpion, a sassy native of Africa, it is sure to put a smile on the face of that hard to please relative that just won’t shut up. We’re sure they will be speechless when they open this gift. Our Aunt Pheeb got one of these for Uncle Skid last year and to complete the surprise she didn’t tell him it was coming. She just left it in the bottom of his favorite six-pack for him to find. Boy did that liven up half-time. That Aunt Pheeb she’s a kidder alright.

Order now: Satisfaction Guaranteed.

Emperor Scorpion item # 1999567783332-1

Availability: in Stock

Description: Color, shiny black with iridescent highlights. Creates delightful scrabbling sound as it hides amongst your personal effects. length 8″. wgt. 1 oz. but can get up to 4lbs. if overfed or left alone among your other pets. We recommend feeding your Emperor Scorpion only guaranteed, high volume, low calorie Scorpion chow. Available through our catalog. An Institute exclusive.

Choose country of origin: Ivory Coast, Senegal, Ghana, and Sierra Leone, sorry due to internal strife in Ivory Coast and Ghana, animal is only available from Senegal or Sierra Leone. Note: Senegalese item not suitable for children under 3

Accessories: scorpion chow, leash, rub on tattoos ( personalize your pet with unique designs).

Scorpion den, has individual quarters for up to 10 individuals, shipped unassembled.

Training manuals.

Mirror, official fighting mirror authorized by the OFSS** of America, scorpions go gonzo nuts when they see another scorpion, use to amuse your friends by having them hold the mirror, great at parties.

Anti-venom. Please select Pint, Quart or Half-gallon. Larger sizes may be  special ordered. Extra shipping charges apply. Sent from 3rd party shipper allow 4-6 weeks for arrival.

Scorpion sized booties and tail covers. Highly-recommended if animal is shipped to Co., WI., N. D., S. D., Upper MI., ME., MT., ID.,  All those little states below ME. and CA.

Price: $ 9500.00 please add tax if you live in Colorado.

Delivery time: guaranteed to arrive before Christmas if ordered before 12-01-13.

Watch for other great Gift ideas! Operators standing by to take your orders. Call now!

* Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Nevermind. Return to your daily activities. Thank you for your support.

** Official Fighting Scorpions Society of America. The Ultimate in Arachnid Cage Fighting™, headquarters Killem, Al. 36001

Christmas Gift Selection #1 Genuine Emperor Scorpion

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XmasGiftEmerorScorpion4430
Emperor Scorpion Sierra Leone Africa

Note: This is a repost of one of our Top Ten Gifts for the discerning buyer originally published in December of 2013, a year that will live in infamy. In what has become a half-assed tradition here at The Institute we have been irregularly reposting these now famous gift selections when we remember to do so in a lame attempt to create a Holiday Tradition and mostly because we suddenly realize it’s Christmas time and we don’t have squat done. It’s fun and we don’t have to spend the time making new stuff up. Enjoy.

First of 10 Exceptional Gift Ideas For this Christmas Season!

Genuine Emperor Scorpion

*The Institute does more than just solve the world’s problems. We help in many other ways too. Every year our staff puts together a gift list that we offer to our loyal readers to help them with their Christmas shopping. We know that many of you have loved ones that are incredibly difficult to shop for. That’s why we go to the ends of the earth to bring you those items you just can’t find at Wal-Mart. So cheer up help is at hand, watch for the selections we’ve chosen as they appear throughout the rest of the holiday season.

Our first item is the cute but lovable Emperor Scorpion, a sassy native of Africa, it is sure to put a smile on the face of that hard to please relative that just won’t shut up. We’re sure they will be speechless when they open this gift. Our Aunt Pheeb got one of these for Uncle Skid last year and to complete the surprise she didn’t tell him it was coming. She just left it in the bottom of his favorite six-pack for him to find. Boy did that liven up half-time. That Aunt Pheeb she’s a kidder alright.

Order now: Satisfaction Guaranteed.

Emperor Scorpion item # 1999567783332-1

Availability: in Stock

Description: Color, shiny black with iridescent highlights. Creates delightful scrabbling sound as it hides amongst your personal effects. length 8″. wgt. 1 oz. but can get up to 4lbs. if overfed or left alone among your other pets. We recommend feeding your Emperor Scorpion only guaranteed, high volume, low calorie Scorpion chow. Available through our catalog. An Institute exclusive.

Choose country of origin: Ivory Coast, Senegal, Ghana, and Sierra Leone, sorry due to internal strife in Ivory Coast and Ghana, animal is only available from Senegal or Sierra Leone. Note: Senegalese item not suitable for children under 3

Accessories: scorpion chow, leash, rub on tattoos ( personalize your pet with unique designs).

Scorpion den, has individual quarters for up to 10 individuals, shipped unassembled.

Training manuals.

Mirror, official fighting mirror authorized by the OFSS** of America, scorpions go gonzo nuts when they see another scorpion, use to amuse your friends by having them hold the mirror, great at parties.

Anti-venom. Please select Pint, Quart or Half-gallon. Larger sizes may be  special ordered. Extra shipping charges apply. Sent from 3rd party shipper allow 4-6 weeks for arrival.

Scorpion sized booties and tail covers. Highly-recommended if animal is shipped to Co., WI., N. D., S. D., Upper MI., ME., MT., ID.,  All those little states below ME. and CA.

Price: $ 9500.00 please add tax if you live in Colorado.

Delivery time: guaranteed to arrive before Christmas if ordered before 12-01-13.

Watch for other great Gift ideas! Operators standing by to take your orders. Call now!

* Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Nevermind. Return to your daily activities. Thank you for your support.

** Official Fighting Scorpions Society of America. The Ultimate in Arachnid Cage Fighting™, headquarters Killem, Al. 36001

On A Rock

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OnARock                                                             click to enlarge

Build your house upon a rock. The Anasazi took that advice to heart. Their buildings in Mesa Verde are still standing in nearly livable condition after seven, eight  hundred years. Well, not all of them of course. The ones built before they brought in zoning and building codes sometimes just fall down, but that doesn’t change the soundness of the advice.

People look at a scene like this and say “Where’s the rest of it? Where’s the rest of the building?” They fail to see the genius behind the Anasazi’s plan. This was never supposed to be a completed building. This is a stage prop. The Anasazi were incredible actors. They not only acted, they wrote their own plays, built backdrops, put on shows that would rival anything on Broadway today. It was why all the trails led to Mesa Verde, it was the Great White Way of its time.

There have only been fragments found of the marquees that trumpeted some of their greatest productions, such as dramas, like

Bringing In The Maize

Romeo and Juliet

My Metate, My Mano

and Mysteries such as,

Who Hit Lenny With a Stone

My Acorns Are Missing

The Case Of The Half Eaten Dog

The Encyclopedia Salesman And The Farmers Daughter

You Wanna See My Pestle

Don’t Do That Again, You’ll Get A Hernia

The comedies may seem a little coarse and unsophisticated by today’s standards, but remember these early people were living in a rock apartment building with no central heating or AC, kind of like they do in Detroit and parts of New York city. They needed some diversion.

The next time you’re visiting some ancient culture’s living conditions and you wonder “How come they did that?” or think “Jeez, I’d a never done that.” remember these folks were different than you. They were shorter. They pretty much only ate corn and the occasional dog. They got bored easy. They couldn’t just run over To Wal-Mart and get stuff, there was no Wal-Mart. Try and figure out the reason they did weird stuff. You may find out they weren’t so goofy after all.

Bryce Canyon Forest

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Bryce Xmas0116

I’ve been meaning to show you the forest at Bryce Canyon National Park for a long time. It won’t take very long because this is it. Yup, all of it. 10 trees. And three of them are dead. You would think with all the taxes we pay to maintain our national parks that they could afford a few more trees. Jeez, Home Depot and Wal-Mart have sales all the time. In fact Home Depot has a Black Hills Spruce Evergreen in its own pot for 7.97, and a Cleveland Select Pear tree for 89.98, and a one quart Canadian Hemlock Christmas tree for 6 bucks on sale. Even Lowes has a 3-gal Southern Magnolia that will grow to 80′ for 24.95 and it comes with a three-year guarantee.

I mean, this is just embarrassing. To have one of our showpiece National parks with its own National forest and it only has 10 trees. You have got to be kidding. I guarantee if you go to Russia right this minute and look at their biggest National park, Siberia, they have over a gazillion billion quadrillion trees. They have so many they cut them down just for fun. They have a whole village called Bogorodskoe, I am not making this up, devoted to making wooden toys out of trees for like the last 600 years and they’re nowhere close to running out of trees. You’d have a hard time making a good supply of toothpicks out of our 10 trees.

OK, I didn’t mean to go off like that, it’s just whenever I see injustice I have to stand up and call a Ponderosa a Ponderosa. This is a national embarrassment and no one seems to be concerned about it. And to make matters worse, as if that could happen, I’ve been told that the big timber companies are lobbying Washington right now to log in Bryce Canyon. That’s right, to log in Bryce canyon. They feel with the price of lumber being what it is they can go in there with their big logging trucks and bulldozers and their hairy lumberjacks with their gang-saws and lunch buckets and take out those 10 trees and make a profit. Well I don’t know if that scares you, it scares the hell out of me.

We don’t even have any owls, spotted or otherwise, that like to live in these trees here in Bryce because they are too far apart. Owls want togetherness and neighbors to hoot at. So if those timber companies win we don’t even have an excuse to try and save those trees. I’m glad I got a picture of the forest when I did. Who knows how long it will be before there won’t be even those 10 trees to photograph. If things keep heading this way before you know it we’ll be friends with the Cubans again. No, that’s probably going too far, I mean, that could never happen.

Wish I had better news folk, but we call them like we see ’em here at *The Institute. If this makes you mad go to Home Depot or Lowes and buy a tree. Any kind of tree. Ship it to Bryce and say “Plant it.” maybe they’ll get the message. We can’t let those ex-commies have all the glory. Let’s make America great again.

*Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Never mind. Return to your daily activities. Thank you for your support.