Many of you have been writing in asking if there are any recent additions to The Institute’s indoor petting zoo. Well yes there is and we are happy to announce that we do have a new member of our animal family. This is Sough Mang. She’s an 8-year-old freethinking, independent female from an unnamed Asian country that demands to remain anonymous. She is here because of some unruly behavior on her part at her last tiger refuge that caused her to be expelled from her country of origin, something about her going off the reservation and killing one of the local carabao, or buffalo, then eating some of the locals that came looking for it. The details are a little murky but we don’t believe it was too serious. These things can get blown out of proportion you know, what with everybody yelling, torches in the night, angry gestures and name calling, facts can get tangled. We’re just happy to have her.

As we mentioned before The Institute is all about lost causes, second chances, standing up for the under dog, or in this case the under tiger, and helping those that can be helped to straighten up and fly right. We love a challenge. We were able to pickup Sough Mang very cheaply, actually they paid us a few bucks to take her off their hands, plus they threw in a nearly full bag of Purina Tiger Chow. In fact everyone in the entire chain of command from the scratched up handlers at the tiger center, to the flight crew who had to put her back in her cage when someone forgot to lock the door, to the customs guys who had to feed her until we could get there and pick her up, all were more than happy to pass her down the line.

We still not sure what all the hassle was about. She seems to be settling into her new quarters with a minimum amount of fuss. Another stroke of luck was we had just reclaimed this area of the zoo after the previous tenants were found missing. The circumstances surrounding this incident were unclear, although there were some bones and reddish patches of hair found behind the dumpster near the kitchen, we can’t believe any of our cooks would have raided the zoo simply for an entre. Who would want to eat an entire family of Orangutans anyway. That just doesn’t make sense.

But what you lose in one hand you gain in another, and although it was tragic to lose our family of Orangutans it opened the way for us to have Sough Mang join our family. We spiffed up the enclosure with a little paint, some Astroturf, added some cat toys, a scratching post down near the water trough and it was ready. Fortunately as this enclosure was once a linen closet and part of the mud room here at the Institute, and had just had new sheet rock installed it was a pretty inexpensive retrofit.

We’re debating on whether to let anyone into her enclosure yet as she is still a little skittish but we’ve got a tour of wildlife management students from the local college coming this weekend and as this is a petting zoo we may just have to let things happen as they happen. We haven’t been able to feed Sough Mang since we got her last Thursday, she keeps trying to snag the handlers rather than the food they’re carrying in. Perhaps some of these college kids can help out with that, they’re supposed to be training how to manage wildlife. Lets get them some real life experience. Plus we could really use the revenue.

Another task that needs to be undertaken pretty darn soon is to tack up more sound-proofing on the ceiling of her enclosure. Nobody bothered to inform us of just how loud a hungry tiger is. This is worse than having a new puppy in the house.

So yes folks, thank you for all your cards and letters asking about our petting zoo and it’s occupants, they’re all fine. Since a certain part of our revenue here at The Institute is derived from our petting zoo we’d like to encourage you to come on down and bring the kids for a fun-filled afternoon in our basement petting zoo where you can have up close and personal interaction with some of the wildest critters in the animal world. It’s fun it’s cheap, 25.00 bucks for adults and 17.00 for children under 6.  Save some money*, it’s only 3.00 each if you would take Sough Mang’s food in to her. A personal picture of you in the friendly clutches of Sough Mang is provided absolutely free of charge to everyone who makes it back out of the enclosure. Come and join us soon.

* All volunteers must sign the following Waiver and Release of Liability

In consideration of the risk of injury while participating in the care and feeding of wild animals (The “Activity”), and as consideration for the right to participate in the Activity, I hereby, for myself, a person of little or no common sense, my heirs, executors, administrators, assigns, or personal representatives, knowingly and voluntarily enter into this waiver and hereby waive any and all rights, claims, or causes of action of any kind whatsoever arising out of my participation in the Activity, and do hereby release and forever discharge anyone, located at The Institute, Institute City, Colorado 80999, their affiliates, managers, members, agents, staff, volunteers, heirs, representatives, predecessors, successors and assigns, for any physical or psychological injury, including but not limited to illness, paralysis, death, damages, soiled clothes, economical or emotional loss, loss of limbs, head, parts of face not limited to ears or chins, involuntary bowel movements or embarrassment caused by same, projectile vomiting, loss of functional hearing, seeing, swallowing, loss or disruption of tendons leading to lower extremities, accrual of bite marks on iPads, or smart phones causing loss of functionality, loss of ringtones or personal photos, ability to reason, trauma, loss of teeth and connective tissue, loss of credit and lowering of credit score, inability to keep solid food down or diminished sexual functionality or ability to think about it, plus any and all other lame-ass claims you may think of in the future.

_______________________________________________ Participant

_______________________________________________ Witness

________________________________________________ Date