Tag Archives: the Rut

Yo Mama and Other Trash Talk

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Tyrone and Lambrè – Bighorn Sheep – Rocky Mountain National Park

What started out as a quiet leisurely lunch of mountain mahogany leaves soon turned into the beginnings of a serious altercation between the two Bighorn rams. Tyrone and Lambrè usually the best of friends, were standing quietly as they normally did slowly finishing their lunch when Tyrone said “Your horns are looking sort of puny” just low enough that Lambrè wasn’t sure he heard him correctly.

“What did you say ?” Lambrè asked, “I didn’t quite catch that.”

“I said, you’re looking kind of puny, horn-wise. What, are you hard of hearing besides ugly”.

Lambrè gave him a slow sideways glance, considering his answer before replying “What is your problem Tyrone? You been hitting the Gypsum weed again. You know that stuff makes you say stupid stuff.”

In the same quiet voice Tyrone said ” I’m just saying I think you’re looking puny and I don’t believe you got a set of juevos to come up against me in the rut here this fall.”

“Tyrone, what are you getting all chesty for that’s two and a half months or more from now. You mean we gotta do this for another couple of months?”

There it starts, the trash talk that leads up to the full on battle between two Bighorn rams every fall when the rut starts. For those of you unfamiliar with the Rut that’s when the rams begin fighting with each other to determine who gets to mate with the females in the herd. It is a battle unmatched by other species except the Elk and Buffalo who do the same thing, fighting to assume supremacy for mating rights, and it can be deadly, though it usually isn’t, just embarrassing for the loser.

Most people are only aware of the actual battles where the rams stand off facing each other then lunge forward driving their heavy horns into the other rams head, with the idea of stunning their opponents or making them turn tail and run away, and not the verbal sparring that goes on during the last weeks of summer while the rams attempt to psych out their opponents. When this event takes place the actual collision of the two animals meeting sounds like a gunshot and can be heard throughout the countryside. Rarely but not unheard of, sometimes an opponent is pushed over the side of a cliff or down a ravine breaking a leg or a neck and of course losing his mating rights along with his life.

The Rut is the most serious event in a Bighorn rams life and it is why everything is fair game as far as psyching out his opponent. Anything can be said and is, to gain that last little edge of advantage. Which is why we hear Tyrone saying to Lambrè just as quietly as before “Hey Lambrè, Yo Mama….” and we all know where that’s going. You may see a preview of the rut before it even starts.

Old No. 6

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Old No. 6 – Bull Elk – Yellowstone National Park
Memories of an old friend

I was wandering thru my wildlife portfolio when I happened across an old friend. Old No. 6 as he was known by one and all was a huge bull elk that frequented the area around the Mammoth Hotel in Yellowstone National Park. If you have ever visited Yellowstone in the Fall and seen all of the elk that wander freely about near the hotel and headquarters area you would have seen Old No. 6 majestically parading around the edges of the herd, striding through the collected cows with his incredible span of antlers held high as if he owned them, which he did by the way. At least until the Rut, the mating season, was over

He was magnificent in every way. Over 700 lbs. of pure ornery not to be interred with prime Yellowstone bull, he brooked no interference by man or beast at the best of times. At the worst of times everyone was advised to run away. Quickly and Far. Many times if he simply saw you, standing around daring to make eye contact, you were considered interference and he would try to convince you of the errors of your ways. Several eager but soon to be regretful tourists suffered a series of perforations at the ends of those needle sharp antler points and had to be treated for those wounds quickly lest they expire. As far as can be determined there were no fatalities due to confronting Old No. 6. but then they haven’t searched everywhere.

One of Old No. 6’s idiosyncrasies was to charge and attempt to fatally wound any vehicle that he deemed to be too close to his cows and calves. There were a certain number of body shops around the U.S. that owed a portion of their revenue to Old No. 6 for the holes in the body panels of the vehicles brought to them for repairs after a run in with cantankerous old No. 6. After a while he got famous enough for his bad behavior and intolerance of fools that the prestigious BBC and others came to immortalize him on film. Sadly he received no remuneration for his stardom which may have added to his curmudgeonly behavior.

Several times his behavior became so intemperate that the Park Rangers had to tranquilize him and saw off his antlers to prevent further mayhem. This event didn’t injure him in any way other than to make him even more furious but in an impotent way. It’s difficult to maintain your rep as the baddest bull out there when you have no antlers. This did little to change his attitude but it did slow down the ambulance rides and body work necessary after one of his tirades. But beyond that troublesome little fact of his anti-social demonstrations he was loved by the millions that saw him. Whenever he decided to take a break he would be immediately surrounded by the local Elkeratzzi who would take his picture. One of which was yours truly who is solely responsible for the image above. Now that he’s gone I’m glad that I took it. If he had seen it I think he would be pleased to be presented as a quiet, kindly soul, just taking a break from living life on his terms.

Back In The Bushes

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Spring in Rocky Mountain National Park is usually a time when love is the center of attention. There is all that birds and bees stuff going on what with pairing up and nest-building and the place fairly reeks of love. For the Elk, love is for the Fall. Spring is for birthing babies. Elk mate and carry their young through the winter and in the Spring there is a frenzy of activity as the various pregnant cows decide important things. Like which clump of bushes to drop their calf’s in. It has to be far enough away from the main herd to keep busybodies away yet close enough to show off the little darlings after they arrive. Or what type of layette they will have to make their nursery complete, blue or pink, that kind of thing. One of the biggest decisions to make is which name to pick out if it is a bull calf.

Edith June and Loretta Clarisse are sisters and have always been fiercely competitive. They’ve been on the outs since last Fall when they found out they had both been with Big Daryl the herd bull. Big Daryl was one of the toughest, meanest, most belligerent bulls in the park which made him highly desirable of course, and the sisters both wanted to name their offspring some variation of Daryl, figuring this would give them an edge next Fall when the Rut, or mating season came around.

Edith June, the cow on the left, had made a grand announcement that not only was she carrying Daryl’s progeny but that she was carrying twins, both bull calves. She was going to name them Daryl, as in, this is my son Daryl and my other son Daryl. When Loretta Clarisse heard that gossip ripple though the herd she was incensed, not only incensed but furious, nearly out of her mind with anger and rage, her jealousy rampant, as she was only carrying  one calf and it was a cow. Holy Mackerel. Did the droppings ever hit the fan when she found herself bested by her sister. Not one to keep things to herself Loretta Clarisse cornered Edith June back in the bushes and made her feelings known.

Cows rarely get physical but when they do it is impressive to watch. Kind of like when two pretty, but shapely sisters fight over getting the same boyfriends name tattooed on their posteriors. There is head-butting, name calling, gnashing of teeth, baleful glaring, and hoof hitting. Hoof hitting is the one that causes damage. Their hooves are sharp and they hit with the full weight of their 450 lb. bodies, and cuts and getting an eye out are not uncommon.

Fortunately some of the older cows who have been through this many times before  waded in and broke them up before any real damage was done. Other than some bruised egos and a sharp pain in Edith June’s side from the exertion everything ended as well as could be expected. The older cows herded Loretta Clarisse to the other end of the meadow to cool down and Edith June’s friends commiserated with her, telling her how lucky she was to be having twins and how awful her sister was for being such a bitch. Cow elk use the word bitch having heard it from the many tourists that frequent the park so don’t be surprised if you hear them calling each other that if you visit. This is a good reason not to use vulgar language in front of our wild friends.

What you have just seen is not a rare occurrence here in Rocky Mountain National Park. Elk are a family and the family dynamics aren’t a lot different from that found in human families. One of the things to watch for as you view the Elk herd on your next visit is the sheer number of bull calves named Daryl. Elk are not very imaginative and tend to copy whatever the most popular cow does. So every bull calf born this year is likely to be named Daryl even if it’s father was actually named Steve. That’s just how things work here.

Note From Yellowstone

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For Immediate Release: Subject: The Rut : Special Interest: MMA fans : General Public

This just in from Yellowstone National Park. The Rut is still in full swing. The annual Battle of the Antlers can still be seen and heard throughout the park. There’s bellowing along the Madison, grunting and heaving in the Hayden valley, total chaos up at Mammoth as these big boys show their stuff.

This is no holds barred cage fighting without the cage. Shown here is Evvie Stepper, Evvie is short for Everett, a contestant from the upper Lamar valley Steppers, a herd well-known for producing big mean bulls. Here he is making a splash as he comes down to challenge any comers. Don’t call him Everett and don’t laugh when you say Evvie unless you’re wearing Kevlar.

So if you’ve been staying home because you thought things were over, think again. Jump in the car and come on up for a front row seat at any of the venues. Entrance fee good for all fights.

Close: For Total Distribution: TV and Cable: Good for Still Release : Subject Tie In: Elk; River; Nature; Good for all ratings

Sunset On The Snake

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As we edge on into Fall the rut is starting to gain momentum. All of the large ungulates are undergoing the changes that are needed to compete in the test of supremacy about to start. The elk have already begun their contests and the Mulies are about 7-8 weeks away from early November when they start. Moose are about a month away from their main rut but like everything else in life there are exceptions.

This scene along the Snake river shows a cow moose who is already interested but the bull, which has his back turned to her, is not quite into the season yet. He would probably be a little more so if another bull showed up, but for now he’s saving his energy. The location of this shot is just a short ways down from the Oxbow and its late afternoon in mid-September as the sun goes down.

Up in this part of the country, Grand Teton National Park in Northwestern Wyoming, the colors are in full display. It’s down jacket weather and time has slowed down somewhat. Soon the air will be filled with the bugling of the Elk and the bark or bugle of the Moose as Nature puts on one of her incredible displays of life in the Animal Kingdom.

The Rut

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Yesterday was the official opening of the Rut. As you know, the Rut is where the bulls gather cows together called a harem and battle each other for breeding rights. This goes on for weeks and is the highlight of the Elks life, both cows and bulls. There’s usually a big opening ceremony down on the Madison river with hor’s d’oeuvre, some wine, the boxed kind mostly, there’s a lot of elk here for the opening, and we still haven’t fully recovered from the recession, a big banner across the meadow saying “Welcome back Bulls! Get to it!”. The press is on hand to do a shoot of the prominent bulls, They want to feature who’s the biggest, the baddest, which bull is going to kick the most bull butt, who’s going to collect the most cows. There’s always a breakdown sheet on the individual bulls stats. Who fathered the most calves, what was the bull calf ratio to cow calves born, etc. It’s like Yellowstone does Vegas.

There’s actually a pari-mutuel betting window set up down near 7 mile bridge for those so inclined. Last year their crowd favorite was a bull named Edwin, normally a shy reclusive bull in the off-season but a holy terror during the rut. He’s been ranked 1st with a 71-3-1 record. This year the money’s on a new bull named Thug. ( see image above) There’s not much known about Thug other than the fact that he put his antlers through the door of a Prius and made the driver embarrass himself. The Park staff gave him a written warning, which Thug promptly ate, and told him if he did it again they’d saw his antlers off. That got his attention for a minute. That’s like a death sentence during the Rut. Thug listened but showed no emotion. You’ll hear comments like “Dead bull walking” when he goes by now. It didn’t seem to phase him however as he promptly flipped the hor’s d’oeuvre table over during the weigh-in just to rattle Edwin. This should be a Rut of the century coming up folks.

Normally The Director is on hand to oversee the festivities and act as an unofficial Master of Ceremonies. This year there was a problem getting away from The Institute which can’t really be told in complete detail, but it had to do with our on going Animal Modification program. This is one of our most secret programs, not because it’s illegal, but it is to protect our investment and to keep our procedures under lock and key until we can file the proper patent papers and get everything trademarked. We can’t take the risk of losing the T-Shirt sales and other merchandising items we have planned by letting someone beat us to the punch.

We can relate the situation that occurred without giving away the details on our gene sequencing procedures or our use of a reconstituted and safe red-dye #2, that it was our work with Wolverines that went all over wonky of a sudden yesterday and caused the cancellation of our trip. Our purpose is to modify the Wolverines behavior so they can be sold as house pets. There has been a lot of heat on the puppy-mills lately and we frankly see a huge decline in cute huggable puppies in the not too distant future. That’s where we feel we could really capitalize on our new, gentle, genetically modified and recolored wolverines. With our new breeding programs in place, normally wolverines who are so mean one of them has to die in the mating procedure, can now mate safely, actually enjoying the process rather than ripping each others appendages off. We think we have reduced wolverine meanness to a more manageable level. That’s good as that means baby wolverines by the boatload and that means big bucks.

Briefly, our problem happened as we were loading the research vehicles to leave for the opening ceremonies, one of the interns was throwing a dead moose into their confinement area, the wolverines not the interns confinement area, for their evening meal and did not close the door and activate the remote tracking weapons and all of the wolverines got out of their cage. These were the unmodified wolverines. This created a real bad situation right now, we mean an awful one, and anyone who was caught outside was immediate wolverine food. Fortunately The Director, who is lucky that way was climbing up on the roof of the Mothership, our primary research vessel, and was able to pull the ladder up where he was safe but trapped. Several hours later one of our slow thinking interns remembered the tranquilizer gun and was able to dart two of the guard wolverines that were securing the door of our shed containing our bite proof wolverine recovering proximity suits.

To make a long story longer we got the suits, we rounded up and caught the wolverines, which is a whole battle by itself, and much of what we can’t tell you about, and got the area secured again. By then it was too late to leave and we were all tired so we said to hell with it and went in and had pizza and watched “Yellowstone – Super Volcano – Will it Blow and kill Everything and Everybody All Over the Place ” on TV. For those of you who haven’t seen this documentary, apparently it will. So after some thought we decided to pass on the Rut this year and wait and see if Yellowstone is still there in the Spring. But if you’re not doing anything the Rut goes on for a while and you can take it in. Let us know how it goes.

Itchy, OMG Yes

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Many of you know by now that the Rut is coming up fast. We’ve got about 6-8 weeks before all hell breaks loose. For those of you new to the sport, the rut is when the bull elk go forth and begin to collect cow elk for the purpose of passing on their genetic fluids with the idea being that they will be improving the herd and the species in general. Think of it as being like Fight Game with elk sex involved. This may not be for the squeamish. But it is Nature so you’ll just have to deal with it. That or stay out of elk country for the next 2½ – 3 months, because it’ll be happening where ever elk congregate.

What you may not know is that The Institute backs several of these young bulls in the upcoming events. We stable them at our Spring training camp at Rocky Mountain National Park so it’s easy for us to keep an eye on them. We sponsor them, provide them with equipment and training, meds (but not steroid’s, none of our bulls have ever tested positive for steroids) bandages and wraps, unguents that help with velvet removal, antler polishing supplies, promote them both locally and nationally and try and position them so they move up through the ranks. Several of our better known fighters have been featured in the preliminaries at various MMA events and we hope to get one of our up and comers featured in an early ESPN covered fight mid-September. We need to cross our antlers on that one but it looks possible.

We stopped by the bull pen the other day to see how everyone was faring and found them in the usual state they’re in this time of year. Everyone is grazing like crazy trying to put on weight. They’re doing the calisthenics necessary for rapid antler growth, and they’re checking out their competition daily. Some of these guys have known each other since grade school but this will be their first real fight and the stakes are high. Not only do you get bragging rights for being the bull of the hour but the chicks, man, the chicks. They are foxes, stone cold foxes. These are the choice cows of the herd and they know it, they only join harems where the bull is Numero Uno. So the incentive is very high.

Right now though everyone is in a heightened state of awareness, full of self-doubt and insecurities and worried about how they’re going to perform.  Besides that those velvet covered antlers are itchy, like really itchy, like drive you bat-crap crazy itchy. That’s where we can help by providing that special proprietary, patent applied for, unguent developed in our labs here at The Institute. It takes the itch right out of those antlers and lets these guys get some sleep and yet enhances their strength and vitality through the proper use of chemicals. it helps them put on weight and develop incredible muscle tone and gives them that little extra edge of madness they need to really go out there and kick elk butt. It’s our job to buck them up, give them the support they need, convince them that they’re the best, and we take that very seriously.

The young bull pictured above, Twitchy, was very glad to see us. Nearly in tears in fact. He needed the unguent bad and could barely stop himself from scratching his antlers down to a nub. Of course we provided it to him, for a slight increase over our normal cut of the gate but then unguent doesn’t grow on trees you know. We’ve got expenses too.

Otherwise the prospects look pretty good for this season. There’s some big bulls out there and a lot of them got their cans kicked last year so they didn’t get a chance to spend any quality time with the ladies so they’re pumped. It won’t be long before the preliminaries start with the bulls matching up, shoving and pushing, seeing who looks weak and who they have to watch out for. This looks like a promising Rut. Now if we can just get some of those heavy-duty agents in here so we can sign some of these guys we’ll be set.