Please bear with a moment. Our weather controlling machine here at The Institute is on the fritz. This is a highly tuned, delicate mechanism that requires the steady hand of a highly trained professional brain surgeon to adjust it. Now some doofus intern with all the finesse of a nine pound sledge hammer, has pulled the knob off the dial that regulates the timing of the weather phase changes of major seasonal transitions. In other words the part that controls how fast we go from “My what a wonderful day.” to “Holy Cripes!  What the ….?” is out of whack. There are a lot of dials on this machine, some more important than others. Why this doorknob of an intern had to screw around with this one is unknown at this time but what is known is, this is why we use interns for mountain lion bait.

What does this means to you, you ask? Well it means that although this weekend was like a visit to Tahiti weather-wise, today is more like “Who’s doing that to that pooch?” as it applies to “where’s our nice day?” The dial that the knob is missing from isn’t just any old dial. It carefully regulates how quickly or slowly we go from good weather to bad by limiting how fast the needle on the dial can move. If it moves fast the weather changes according. If it moves slow we get to keep the weather we like longer. It should act kind of like the way the needle on your barometer moves, really slowly without any jerkiness or big jumps from one point to another. This is controlled by how tight you screw the knob down against the face of the dial. After finding the setting for nice weather, you carefully screw down the knob locking it in until you decide to change it.

Our head meteorologist Dr. Sunny Day, a recent graduate from UC Santa Cruz and designer of our exclusive but patented Weather Controller™ machine, home of the NCAA Div III “Banana Slugs’ (Go Slugs!), and former cheer leader is well grounded with a background of Pilates, Total Body Toning, Hatha Yoga, Sunrise PranaKriya, Foam Rolling and Tabata jam. Not to mention, Bikini Tying, Tanning, and her personal favorite, Belly Dance: both beginner and Intermediate courses. During her heavy load of classes she also had the opportunity to audit some meteorology classes, such as “The barometer: What it means to our weather. 101”  “That Dial: Its brass needle and its relationship to all those funny numbers. 102” (requires completing “The Barometer: What it means to weather 101.”) plus numerous other courses designed to give you a background in Meteorology. We were like totally stoked that she chose to work here at The Institute and cannot wait until she gets back from her sabbatical in the Polynesian islands. Unfortunately her absence is why we got the weather bollixed up.

Yesterday as you all know was a day of sunshine, light breezes, fluffy clouds and generally a sense of well-being, as if Indian Summer could last forever. But today after our doofus intern decided to crank the knob so hard it came off in his hand, locking the weather on stun, we have cold blowing wind, dark but ominous clouds, a general feeling of dread and the real possibility that he has royally screwed up our weather until further notice or at least until Dr. Day gets back, as she is the one who designed the machine and is the only one qualified to complete maintenance and repairs on it.

Today we had planned to run a picture of friendly weather with trees changing color and puppies, yes, real puppies gamboling in the meadow below The Institute’s headquarters. But that plan is shot all to hell now. So instead we’re bringing you color and lots of it from deep underground at Antelope Canyon in Arizona. Perhaps this peppy image will make up for having to dig your down clothing out of storage again. I mean it’s all we can do until Sunny, I mean Dr. Day gets back. So, Sorry. Anyway try and enjoy the provided image. It at least has warm colors in it.