Mules and the Art of Pipe Lighting

It may be hard for us to fathom now days but back in the 1830’s people smoked. They smoked cigarettes, cigars, pipes, sometimes bark, Indians smoked kinnikinic and they smoked it in anything that could hold tobacco. It wasn’t frowned upon or looked down on, people didn’t come up to a smoker and say “Hey! Put that out don’t you know second hand smoke is a major cause of cancer !?!” The ‘you imbecile’ being understood. In fact doing something that rash just might get you a lit cigar in the eyeball.

With all that smoking going on there were numerous ways to light your tobacco in whatever smoking device you employed. Back East and in certain bawdy houses you had matches made with sulphurous coated heads you struck on your enemies unshaven whiskery face to get them to burst into flame, the match not the enemy, right before the fight started. (See early spaghetti westerns for reference)

As you moved further West you didn’t have matches as they were hard to keep dry, they ran out and they made you look like a sissy if you used them. You could pull a burning twig out of the fire to light up and that worked great. It wasn’t much good when you were on the move however. One of the best uses of technology of the day and the most efficient form of tobacco ignition was the use of a magnifying glass. You just held it up for the sun to shine through it then pointed it at the tobacco and before you could say “Hey! Is that an Indian?” you were smoking. Usually about 2-3″ in diameter the magnifying glass hung in a custom made pouch around the smokers neck for easy use. It wasn’t just for burning ants anymore.

However since this was a form of technology there was a certain amount of science involved in its use. You needed a steady hand to use it. If you were standing on the ground you could lean up against something solid, a building, a rock, a tree, maybe someone steadier than you and aim the glass at your pipe. You could do it freestyle, and some did, but you needed to be sober to do it. Otherwise improper alignment could burn a hole in your fore finger before someone mentioned that you were on fire. Also as you had to carefully look at the point of ignition at the top of your pipe this could make you cross-eyed and dizzy and go all over wonky of a sudden. The results of that happening are too numerous to mention here.

The real trick however was to light your pipe while atop your mule. This is where a well trained mule was not only essential but mandatory if you wanted to light your pipe without dismounting. The mule had to be of a scientific nature to begin with, just any old mule out of the barn wouldn’t do. Many were bred just for their ability to recognize a scientific act in the raw and figure out how it could assist its rider in a way that would be the most beneficial to them both. This was done by the mule for a couple of reasons, one, to learn science and technology to enhance its life and two, to get extra oats as a reward. Mules being quick to learn soon saw the benefit of being the most help it could be. They found the extra oats to be a welcome stimulation to their mind and digestive track. There were some mules that were so smart and got so many rewards in the form of oats and other high calorie grains and legumes that you were seeing mules weighing 31 to 3200 lbs. standing in the corrals. Obviously these mules were then used for breeding purposes and not for normal drayage anymore.

In the image above you see how this system worked. You have a vaquero in desperate need of a smoke, his pipe in his mouth and his hand holding the magnifying glass up and pointed at the exact angle needed at sun, ready to suck in a big lungful of smoke as soon as it ignites. What you may not have taken in however is the work that the mule is doing to facilitate this procedure. Look at the way it has positioned the rider so he is at the correct angle needed for full ignition of the tobacco. See him studying the sun shining on the bright green grass watching for any change in its movement. Should a cloud come up casting a shadow over the rider the mule can move forward keeping the maximum amount of concentrated sun power passing through the magnifying glass. This is a well trained mule. It is also a valuable one as its worth to the smoking vaquero can barely be measured in money. Life was tough for those living during those times but as always is the case there were those that made it easier. Having a well trained mule that was adept at the art of pipe lighting made life better.

What To Watch For In Yellowstone

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So many of you when you’re walking through Yellowstone, are looking down at your feet aren’t you? I know you do, don’t deny it, I see you. You’re probably looking for snakes, right? Well there are very few snakes in Yellowstone. Hardly any. And the few that are there are more worried about being stepped on by a buffalo then they are by you. So they hide. Snakes are good hiders. You’re not going to see one.

What you really should be worried about is bears. Bears in trees to be more specific. Because they get in them. You should be looking up, way up, that’s where the bears are. They go up there for a lot of reasons. They like it up there, they did it when they were kids and it feels good, there’s stuff to eat if they get in the right tree, pine cones, bugs, leaves sometimes, and many times they’ve made friends with some birds and they go up just to visit. Usually bears go in trees for simple pleasant reasons.

But sometimes, and you can never tell when, you’ll find that there are bears up there that aren’t up there for altruistic reasons. They are ones that have gone up there for all the wrong reasons. These are the ones that had trouble in school, ran with the wrong crowd, started smoking and drinking at an early age, probably were promiscuous, had problems with abandonment issues, always blaming everything on their moms who left them when they were two. We call them “Bad Bears”. These are the one you should watch out for, why you should be looking up instead of walking around staring at your feet.

These are the bears that will suddenly but unexpectedly drop out of trees and eat your lunch. Don’t scoff, it could happen and it does. I have a hat that is full of bite marks from bears dropping out of trees and being upset that I don’t carry a lunch, take it out on me and my hat by biting it until it is almost ruint, and it’s a Tilley. It was expensive.

So I’m hoping you’ll take my warning seriously, I know many of you won’t, thinking this is just me pulling your leg, but don’t come whining around here when a bears drops out of a tree and does something mean to you. I tried to warn you. For those of you who are serious and pay attention to warnings, like those really annoying ones from Public Radio where that obnoxious horn bellows at you and they say “This is a test, if a real catastrophe had happened you’d of kissed your butt goodbye way before this message was over….” etc., then you’ll take heed and will make an effort to walk around looking up in the trees instead of at your feet.

You need to watch for those the signs that say “Be Bear Aware!” they didn’t just put them there for your amusement. They’re there for the same reason that deer crossing signs are where they are.  A deer has been killed there and they figure it will happen again. So if you see one those “Be Bear Aware!” signs stop immediately, and look up even if there’s no trees around, it’s good practice. Many times you’ll be glad you did. Just be careful you don’t trip over that snake laying there across the path.