Attention Readers: This is a Public Service Announcement !

The following is a Public Service Announcement brought to you by The Institute and the Americans for Brighter Colors  or ABC as it is known amongst those who follow weird splinter groups.

As Americans we want the very best for our families, our communities, and our Nation. There is a tendency out there in the hinterland to think that somehow America is failing to live up to its expectations. To be falling into third place or even worse, second place, in many of the areas where we once excelled.

We hear from the media how we are now lagging in academics, and how our young people are going to hell in a hand basket what with tattoos and the piercing of private parts with strange but weird metal stuff. Where once we were first among nations in conspicuous consumption we are now sitting in the back of the Chinese bus. We now no longer have our own horrible diseases and have to import them from formerly third world countries at a high rate of cost so we can at least stay relevant in the disease ridden world. Even our fall colors are at risk of becoming third-rate with some saying they’re  “Lackluster”. Or even “Boring”.

Well we here at The Institute, and the folks at ABC say “Enough!” “Enough of this color shaming! Enough of washed out yellows and reds. Enough of making fun of our pathetic attempts to produce a strong vibrant orange. Enough!” We are a great Nation! We have done many incredible and world shaking things. Didn’t we create sensations like Miley Cyrus? What other country has a young woman making millions of dollars and can’t keep her tongue in her mouth? Or back in April of 1988 we had the song “She Drives Me Crazy” by the Fine Young Cannibals. Now there are much better cannibals in places like Africa and New Guinea and probably the middle-east and ours have faded from the glowing light of stardom here in this country. Or how about our ability to create drinking stuff that can be hand carried out of various vending establishments such as this incredible innovation. “Having been tested in a few outlets, 7-11’s gallon-sized Slurpee’s became available in all locations in 1967”. Now there are places in Poland and the Baltic states where you can buy a 55 gallon drum of greenish Slurpee-like liquid  for pennies on the dollar. They even throw in the small cart needed to wheel this around with. And an industrial strength straw!

We could go on and on listing our supposed failings, we haven’t even touched on things like war, where now there are people much meaner than us creating havoc all over the place. Yes, we’re looking at you ISIS. But enough of that. Let’s get back to the problem at hand. Our Fall colors.

Since there have been aspersions cast and no small amount of ridicule, on our national forests and private collections of arboreal treasures, we, The Institute and our friends at ABC, have decided to take matters into our own hands and turn this problem around. Consequently we have searched high and low and come up with a list of Primary Colors which we are supplying to the nation at large for whatever use they can best put it to.

Here it is.

blue

yellow

green

red

There are also secondary colors that can be applied to ‘Fall colors’. Due to space limitations we are only providing some of the better known and most useful of these helpful colors. They are, in no particular order

Crimson

Ebony

Clear

Neon

and Blue

and orange too.

With this list you can go forth and apply them to the colors you are witnessing right now as we head into the height of the color change period here in the western hemisphere, but primarily America. If all of you make a concentrated effort to apply these primary and some of those other colors listed above to our forests, (you can use the image above for guidance) it won’t be long until we regain our color supremacy and can hold our heads up proudly as our national god-fearing trees begin their color changes. Remember Canada is right across the border and they have trees too. Plenty of them. Let’s make America great again. Do your part.

This color list is available for the small sum of 80.00 dollars. Send a SASE with cash check or money order, or preferably all three to: The Institute, C/O The Director, P.O.Box, The Institute, Colorado, USA

Thank you. We thank you, the trees will thank you, and our nation will thank you. This concludes our Public Service Announcement. Thank you. Really.