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As our Inspection tour of Yellowstone National park proceeded in an orderly fashion we began inventorying the bears, both grizzly and black, the next step on our check list. This is a task we look forward to each year. We found that there were the appropriate number of each type scattered throughout the park and all seemed to be pulling their own weight.

At each new bear sighting we would release one of our costumed interns (see this post for details on costumed interns: http://www.bigshotsnow.com/yellowstone-passes-inspection/ ) to test the bears reaction to prey animals and sure enough the bear, mostly the grizzlies, would immediately approach the screaming intern and take the necessary action required.

This bear, who the park service refers to as bear #609 or something like that, because ‘they don’t name their animals’ according to one snooty ranger, but we refer to as Tyrone, reacted differently to our frantically struggling intern and obviously put off by the interns pitiful cries immediately jumped in the Yellowstone river. In all our years of inspecting Yellowstone we had never before seen a bear react this way. Like jump into the freaking river, you know? This was definitely irregular behavior and we are certainly going to include it in our report.

We had been following this bear for about two miles as it made its way over hill and dale observing it closely from a distance of about ¼ of a mile, noticing that it was acting in a manner that was out of character, or as we call it in scientific terms, ‘hinky’, for a grizzly bear. It would stop occasionally to sniff, then roll in a patch of wildflowers, always wriggling in obvious enjoyment. It passed by several yellow-bellied marmots, one of a grizzly’s favorite snacks in favor of nibbling tender grass shoots and the bark off an elderberry bush. We knew from previous sightings that grizzlies would often stop and lick shrubbery, even sometimes pulling the leaves off of the plant to eat them, but always they did this in a manner befitting the grizzly image, with much snarling and roaring, even shredding the bush with its razor-sharp claws.

Tyrone, or bear # 609 if you prefer like that condescending ranger, exhibited none of these traits. Even when we shoved the now crazed intern, the one dressed in the wounded elk calf costume, directly in his path, he simply stepped over him and continued on his way. It was then that we formed the startling new theory that quite possibly, almost assuredly, Tyrone was a Vegan. Now you’ve got to admit, you don’t see that every day.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your viewpoint, the intern, now past any form of coherence managed to wriggle out of his wounded elk calf costume and immediately began running down the highway towards Fishing Bridge where they have a phone and public transportation, presumably to bail on the program. There’s no way he’s getting paid as it clearly states in the contract he signed prior to the inspection trip, that all duties had to be fulfilled completely and professionally or you would not receive your salary, let alone any bonus for making it through alive. The screaming alone disqualified him, that ‘s unprofessional, even before he thought of bailing. We’ve had interns break and run before so we’ve got this locked up pretty tight contract-wise.

Of secondary importance, right after discovering that Tyrone was a Vegan, was the fact that here’s a grizzly bear, and a pretty big one too, swimming across the Yellowstone river. How cool is that? We just wish it had been one of the big butch grizzlies all full of raging bearliness instead of a leaf eating Vegan. But you can’t have everything. We saw it and now so did you, and like we said, you don’t see that every day.