Tag Archives: Piedras Negras

Gone To Get Cigarettes

Posted on by

GoneforCigarettes1686click to enlarge

Well you can tell the place is a real mess if we’re posting today’s picture. This is one of the interns here at the Institute, I don’t want to give my name because if this goes in the crapper I don’t want anyone, especially the director, to know I had anything to do with it. It’s like a Chinese fire drill around here. What with the director in a snit because of the furloughing and shut down problem, our lack of staff, the fact that one of our freezers went down and all we’ve got to eat is Lamprey, it couldn’t have been the Lamprey freezer that gave up its little Freon’s, no, it had to be the one with the Emu in it. That was the only thing you could gag down in this wretched place. I can say that without too much fear because I signed on today with Ray Everett’s password, one of the missing twins who usually has this job, so if he ever gets back he’s the one who’s going to take it in the shorts for this fiasco.

Speaking of the twins, the director hasn’t heard this yet, but Curtis Leroy the other half of the missing twins, did wind up in the drunk tank in Piedras Negras. Right after the director warned them about that place too. What a dipstick. He better stay there too if he knows what’s good for him. It seems that the tear-jerker story the brothers gave out back in “Friday Color” which was posted on September 27th about being trapped in Yosemite while their mother was on one side of the fence and they were on the other side, touching fingers and stuff through the chain link…. complete crock, they don’t even have a mother.

In fact we found out, we being the interns who find out everything because we can hack into everybody’s secret personal files and they don’t even know, that the twins are fraternal twins, they don’t even have the same mother. That’s right, even though they were born only three minutes apart, they’re actually step-brothers. Due to some complex family dynamics that are not very clear, this kind of thing happens occasionally down where they’re from and the mother’s aren’t talking. I guess it’s one of the reasons they’re building that big wall down there. Well the director is going to lay a brick when he finds out about this. About Curtis Leroy being in the drunk tank I mean, I don’t think he gives a flying fig about the step-brother thing. I would not want to be either one of those losers when it hits the fan. He’ll have them in the box for the rest of their lives.

Speaking of the director, well he left this morning to go into town for “cigarettes, Valium and a 55 gallon drum of Everclear”, those were his exact words. I don’t think this is going to end well. I’m not too worried about myself, I swiped the keys to the old missile silo down on the south end of the compound, I mean campus, here at the Institute, so I can lock myself in there until this all sorts out. Actually I wonder if that new little intern, the one with the big eyes that checked in yesterday would like to see what a missile silo looks like. Hmmmm. OK got to go, seeyabye.

Friday Color

Posted on by
FridayColor1442click to enlarge

We have sort of developed a tradition here at the Institute of posting something on Friday that has a calming, soothing effect on our readers. We know you work hard all week and you look forward to the weekend so you can let off some steam by going absolutely gonzo, freaking nuts. You might not have intended for this to happen, but you know how it is, you get out with some friends, you drink a quart of Everclear or Mad Dog 50/50 and suddenly you can’t find your shirt and you have a ticket for your impounded vehicle stapled to your ear, some one has sewn your three smallest toes together and you have your bosses’ name tattooed on your forehead. These things happen. We’ve all been there. Why I remember one time in Creede, Colorado I …. uhm wait, let’s not go there as I do not know if the statute of limitations has cleared on that one yet.

The Institute is charged with seeing to the public good and trying to prevent the public bad. It’s what we do and we take it very seriously. We don’t want to see you wind up in that drunk tank in Nuevo Leon, Coahuila, Chihuahua or even Tijuana, although I hear that one has almost turned into a country club compared to the hell hole that is Piedras Negras, they don’t call the ‘Black Rocks’ the rectum of the world for nothing, but I digress. Just don’t do it, stop, think, relax and just say no.

To help you just say no, we are posting this image in the hopes that it will take that edge off that’s been building all week, think of it as Visual Valium, and the good news is you can take as much of it as you want with no dangerous after effects. There’s no OD-ing on beauty folks. Won’t it be cool not to have to explain to your significant other why you’re in White Horse, Canada when you call asking for bail next Wednesday. That’s when they finally let you have your phone call as you can only call out once a week up there. I know, it was a turning point for me. So again I suggest you reread this post then refer to the image above as often as you need to. Send it on to those friends you have doubts about. They may thank you for your help, although unless you have bail money you may not want to include your phone number. Let me know how you make out.