Tag Archives: Page

Camo – It’s Not Just For Wearing To Wal-mart Anymore

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Camo2173Lizard, Page Arizona                            click to enlarge

Ever since the popularity of Reality TV we’ve noticed an uptick on people wearing camouflage. You see it everywhere. There doesn’t seem to be a public place you can visit now where you won’t see someone, or a group of someone’s, wearing what is now known simply as Camo.

What all these people have to hide is beyond me. They can’t all be in witness protection. The varieties of Camo are also amazing. There are sports camo, fashion camo, swim camo, arctic camo, jungle camo, urban camo, camo specifically for Pennsylvania, army camo, Baptist camo, Specialty camo, like guys wear that hide in the grass and shoot other guys, Camo you wear fishing, camo lingerie, camo flavored pop tarts, camo wax, camo classes to learn how to speak camo, the variety seems endless.

What’s more, through some kind of osmosis, animals have begun picking up on this trend and many of them have developed their own specific kind of camo as you can see in the image above. That’s right camo wearing lizards for instance. I don’t know how they found out about it. Maybe through some kind of exposure to TV rays or something. This intrigued us here at the Institute and we decided to send one of our top herpetologists out in the field to bring back a report on this newest phenomenon.

We chose the one everyone calls Lizard boy since he was observed eating flies off the wall of his tent, to go to Page, Arizona where the barely noticed lizard was last seen. He was wearing camo after all, the lizard not the Lizard boy, wait, the Lizard boy was wearing camo too, anyway he was the only one available so off he went.

The reports we got back were scattered and somewhat fly-specked but it seems that this new lizard camo is so effective that our field agent couldn’t locate it. Neither the lizard nor the camo. There was no lizard to be found. There were places where a lizard might have been, which were identified by the lack of any insects within the effective tongue range of a lizard, (in this case we believe a zebra-tailed lizard) which in this species is 3.9cm, but it was hard to confirm that identification due to the fact that the lizard was camouflaged. This was disappointing as we had spent a lot of time and money on this research with absolutely nothing to show for it.

All in all this has been a compete bust, No lizard, no reports, no Lizard Boy, he’s gone, there’s no sign of him anywhere. Although come to think of it, if he was able to get a hold of some of that new lizard camo he could have  been standing right there and we’d never have noticed him.

Some of the conclusions we were able to come to, were, camo works, it’s popular, not just in the deep south like before but everywhere. It’s pervasive. It’s not unusual to see chic young women entering swanky Spas on Rodeo Drive wearing spa camo or dancing the Hollywood nights away in sultry disco camo. It’s a wonder that anyone can find anyone else nowadays.

We still have the problem of finding our herpetologist, Lizard Boy. We can’t just leave him out there, lying in the sun with his tongue out, stuffed to the gills with flies, so we’re sending one of our staff retrieval specialists out to bring him back. That is if we can locate any of our Institutes’ vehicles after we had them painted in the newest camo colors.

Ambassador from Sirius the Dog Star

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Ambassador4677

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We have gotten tons of letters here at the Institute of Regained Knowledge or IRK as it is affectionately called by our many readers who don’t like to read long names, asking “Why don’t you ever post anything about the ‘Power Centers of the Southwest’ and their role in the aid and assistance of intergalactic transport?” Well it’s funny you should ask because we were going to do just that very thing.

It is a little known fact that IRK  with its COWGFLOP ( Checking Out Weird Guys From Other Low-rent Places) scientific research division has long been involved with and assisted in the various programs by the Government and serious civilian organizations that reach out, assist, promote and monitor travel among the different folks in the Galaxy. We have on our staff several researchers that regularly speak to individuals in different star systems not to mention different dimensions who are much more advanced in their mode of travel than we are and are just looking for a fun place to go on their vacation. Mostly its Vegas but occasionally they want to see the sights. We’ve been accused of being little more than an intergalactic travel agency but we refute such accusations with really vehement denials. After all we have to protect our phony baloney jobs somehow, I mean we  conduct serious research here and will not be slandered.

One of our particularly gifted Adepts or ‘far reaching talkers’ as we prefer to call them regularly communicates with the Ambassador from Sirius, the Dog Star, and they have gotten to be quite good friends, having toured the Mall of America and other cool places together.

What you see above is the actual act of the Ambassador from the star Sirius nearly completing his trans-teleportation using one of the countries most top-secret power center locations. Its sort of like an interdimensional bus stop for the galaxies travelers. Unfortunately due to strict regulations and restrictions set up by our government, the one that’s here to help you, we can not legally divulge its name or location. We can tell you however that it is very near, within a few feet actually, of Upper Antelope Canyon which is just outside of Page, Arizona and is open to the public year round for a small nominal fee. Also any attempt to publish or make money off the exploitation of our galactic friends will result in huge fines, jail time and dismemberment, so we’re pretty darn careful not to do that for sure. Since all you can see is the beginning of his tail starting to become visible from the ‘beaming down’ part of the sequence we feel safe in displaying that much of the process. Plus we haven’t used his name which is unpronounceable in our tongue but  sounds a lot like the answer to that riddle when you ask a dog “What does sand paper feel like?” Or “What’s on top of a house?” We can’t get any more specific than that, see rules and penalties above, but we can say that our interpreter says it means “DownBoy”.

As stated previously we normally do not disclose any facts or itinerary’s regarding our travelers for security reasons but this one fact was leaked by person or persons unknown. (See WickiLeaks entry dated July 12th 2013) The Ambassador is here to spend their national holiday ‘Finding the Golden Bone’ by touring the largest Dog Park in the United States, “DogWood” near Jacksonville, Florida. This place is the DisneyWorld and every other major theme park rolled into one for those of the canine persuasion and the only one of its kind in the whole mapped Cosmos. We are very proud of our American entrepreneurial spirit. We can only hope that the Ambassador has an amazing time and brings back many more of his hairy brethren in the future. We Stand To make a Killing if this takes off, I mean we look forward to promoting good fellowship and intergalactic peace in the future for all species-kind. Happy traveling.