Tag Archives: mountain goat

Yellowstone Diorama

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This idyllic scene of a herd of grazing buffalo in the Lamar valley is not what it seems. It is a specially constructed life-size model prepared by our master dioramaticians here at *The Institute. Many of our readers know that there are many divisions, departments, sections, areas, teams, worker bees and bee-ettes, programs, units, centers, groups, systems, agencies, bureaus, commissions, that make up The Institute. We even have an office just to keep track of all the different divisions, departments etc. where important work is done.

One of our lesser known departments is the bureau of Procurement, Construction and Installation of Dioramas or PCID as it’s known in the trade. It is there that we make the amazing dioramas that you see in many of our National Parks and other places where they don’t have adequate scenic areas for the public to view.

If a National Park or even a scenic-poor state such as Utah or parts of Arizona want to dress up their highway systems with dramatic views they will contact The Institute where we will develop a plan to add interest along some of their more desolate roads, thereby transforming those roads into revenue-producing Scenic Byways. The State or National Park then has the option of adding roadside stands, local entrepreneurs, and whatever local color they think might add interest.

Another use for our patented, modular, fade-resistant, weatherproof dioramas allows game-poor parks such as Yellowstone National Park to have animals in scenic environments on demand for those times when the live animals are not present or have been killed off by local residents around the park.

Our unique but uncanny ability to mimic local conditions, coupled with incredible taxidermy techniques allow our experts to create dioramas such as this Diorama of a buffalo herd along the roadside in the Lamar valley, that defy detection by anyone cruising by it at 45 – 60 mph. Plus our patented Extend-A-View ™ Dioramas let us create dioramas that can extend for several miles along an otherwise dull and boring road, keeping the occupants interested and thinking of lunch or possibly souvenirs of the amazing “Scenery” they are passing by. We can also supply a more complete package with our dioramas that include a complete line of scenery specific souvenirs, knock-down roadside stands, trained actors that can simulate the local culture and color, plus accessories such as a live horse that can be tied to the side of one of our retail units providing sure-fire traffic stopping appeal. Other animals available upon request.

No detail is spared when you order one of our complete dioramas. The diorama above, our deluxe Buffalo Extravaganza, includes approximately 1800 full size American Made, Plains or Mountain Buffalo, each with life-like glass eyes and true-to-life coloring, plus a large assortment of cottonwood trees all with drip tube watering systems, or if necessary due to budget constraints, these trees can be constructed of a special weather-resistant Paper Mache guaranteed for 3 years, and our own proprietary turf made of recycled tires.

Many of you have driven by our dioramas and didn’t realize it. Those of you who have visited Zion National Park and marveled at the Desert Bighorn sheep located near the tunnel at the east side of the park will be surprised to know that was our model “Desert Bighorns and Laser-etched Rock Formation #66903”. Or perhaps you have been to the Mt. Evans Scenic Byway in the Rocky mountains where you will have seen one of our largest installations, the “Mountain Goat and Craggy Scary Drop-off Cliff  installation,  #994216-a”. We provided all the natural looking gray boulders that litter the mountainside and installed close to 3000 life-like Mountain Goats and Bighorn Sheep all over the 14,000’+ mountain, some of them animatronic in nature to provide movement and interest for those hardy tourists wheezing by the side of the road.

We are currently working on a secret installation of a completely different nature than we have ever attempted before, for a not to be named city near Puget sound. The parameters so far are for us to provide a complete aquatic diorama that will include sea life such as ship-resistant whales and animatronic Orcas, or killer whales, that can do tricks such as flip baby seals into the air and catch them in their mouths, plus many other items too numerous to mention. Estimated date of installation will be early 2019.

The next time you’re on a vacation in Yellowstone and see some spectacular looking scenery look for the little brass plaques saying “This Scenery provided by The Institute” to the trees and other hard surfaces and give one of our buffalo a good rap in the side to see how life-like it feels. You’ll be surprised.

* Note: For those of you unfamiliar with The Institute and what it does, please see the page labeled The Institute on the Menu Bar above. That should explain everything. You shouldn’t have one single question remaining regarding The Institute after reading it. None. For those of you favored few who already know about the Institute, Nevermind. Return to your daily activities. Thank you for your support.

Nanny McFree

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We are in the middle of our annual monsoon season here in Colorado. What that means is everyday around 2 to 3 o’clock in the afternoon, although it sometimes happens sooner, or sometimes later depending on the whims of Mother Nature, it clouds up, the skies get dark, thunder rolls in from the west and it rains. Little gentle rains where things slowly get wet, the air smells fresh and moist and you sit by the open door and drink a nice, slow, hot cup of tea as the entire experience washes over you. A Camelot kind of rain.

On the other hand when some poor misbegotten soul has done something to irritate Mother Nature we get something else entirely. Instead of the Camelot rains we love and wait for, we get the full wrath of weather that you only get in the high mountains. Torrential rains, 30 -40 -50 mph winds that drive the rain against everything in its path with the power of a force 5 hurricane. And if you’ve done something particularly heinous you can have hail, which as you know from your experience of being alive, is really hard rain packed into the size of a BB all the way up to size of a steamer trunk. This falls from the sky and breaks things. That is bad when that happens. Stay indoors. Then because Mother Nature rarely holds a grudge, the storm passes, the sun comes out to shine it golden rays down upon you, the bluebirds return and all is right with the world again.

So what? you say. Well first that’s kind of rude and you might just keep an eye on the skies above in case Mother Nature heard you. The monsoon affects everyone and everything here in the mountains. Even the Mountain Goats on Mt Evans. They and anyone else unlucky enough or unfortunate enough, to be above tree line when one of these big storms hit are in imminent danger of being struck by lightning. Lightning is a whole bunch of electricity, like all the D-cells and other batteries you have in your house, even the ones in your smoke alarms, all wired together at one time, all stuffed into a very narrow place in the sky and when it’s good  and ready it shoots down to the ground and incinerates what ever it hits. This can have adverse effects on your ability to remain alive. This is called “Being Struck By Lightning” or as we know it “Bad Luck.” Every year people are struck by lightning and killed. Like totally. It’s over and that’s that. This is unfortunate and not a laughing matter but it is a fact.

But you rarely see Mountain Goats struck and killed. Why is that we wondered. If anyone is at risk it should be them. They live above tree line, they stay out in the weather even when they shouldn’t and they do not carry any life insurance, nevermind health and accident. So how does that work then.

It turns out that over time, at least over the last 8000 years since the world was created, they have evolved a system that helps them stay alive and well during inclement weather. First the big ones run like the devil and hide. But if you look at your average herd of Mountain Goats you’ll see a large percentage of them are young ones, the kids. Like most kids they are not smart enough to come in out of the rain and so, and here’s where it gets cool, the mother goats got together and devised a plan where everyday one of the mothers is chosen to watch over the kids and if it looks like it’s going to rain,  or especially lightning, she gathers them up into a bunch and stuffs them in the crevices between the rocks and guards them until the storm passes. Nobody gets struck by lightning, they all live and the group survives. Neat, right? Well the mother of the day is called a nanny. Just like Nanny McFree in the image above.

This was documented yesterday as a couple of us trudged up to the top of Mt Evans, all 14,265′ of her, to stand there in the rain and lightning with our tinfoil hats on, and steel toed boots, to see if this was true. It was.

Dunyasha Zarya Irinushka

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Irinushka0205Mountain goat ewe Mt Evans Colorado   click to enlarge

She arrived suddenly one spring bringing nothing but her fur coat and her pale skinned beauty. She was aloof, always remaining at the edge of the herd, saying nothing and rebuffing all who tried to approach. Grazing alone she would wander the meadows stopping occasionally to select the newest petals of the spring flowers, looking always to the North, watching, searching, waiting, not anxiously, but with a constancy that could be felt. She was a mystery to the herd. They wondered about the mantle of sadness she seemed to wear and speculated quietly amongst themselves about her origins. Who was she ? Why was she here? Who did she wait for?

Some thought that she had come down from the far reaches of the Canadian north, Kootenay, Nahanni or even the Kluane perhaps. Others thought that she left the Russian mountains and followed the Kuskokwim river down until she eventually arrived here. That might account for her look of weariness. Right now it was all speculation however as she wasn’t speaking and maintained her solitude. They’d leave her alone for now. They had their own lives to live and if it was her wish to stay near the herd for whatever comfort she could gain they were willing to allow her to stay. There was time, you can’t stay alone forever.