Advice. Usually it’s worth exactly what you pay for it. Especially free advice. This is especially true if you read further down in this story. Recently while attending an event titled The Age of the Gunfighter held every once in a while at the Old Cowtown Museum in Wichita Kansas, two old friends were having a conversation. It was mostly a one sided conversation due to the fact that it was held in front of the saloon where the two had been imbibing for the better part of the morning and our man on the right had been doublin up due to coming into a little cash money.

The Age of the Gunfighter event is an event where historical reenactors from all over the country attend as their favorite western character. Wyatt Earp and his wife Josie were represented as well as Cole Younger, The Dalton brothers, Pat Garrett, Billy the Kid, Bat Masterson, U. S. Marshall Bill Tilghman, Luke Short and many more. The ladies of western lore were also on hand, Belle Starr, Margaret Borland, Mag Wood, Lizzie Roberts, Molly B’Dam, Mattie Silks, Poker Alice, Julia Bullete and the notorious Madam, Fannie Porter and others. Everyone stayed in character for the entire event so you could talk to and learn the history and lifestyle of each character.

There were gunfights in the streets, quick draw contests, performances of the beautiful but rowdy dance hall girls, arguments, fist fights of an animated but non lethal nature, murder, mayhem but a serious lack of bad language.

The two men in the picture above, miners who were in town to stock up on supplies, were over heard having a conversation that led to some violent but deadly consequences. Fortunately the eavesdropper had the opportunity to record some of the conversation which is hereby being set down as an admonishment to drinking excessively in the morning and carrying sharp and pointy implements. And also and probably most importantly, taking the advice of a friend as drunk as you are who liked to see some excitement just for the sheer entertainment value of it. The two men, one Feardall J Caster on the left and his cohort Little Billie Hammerstock were heard having the following words.

“Billie, ain’t that Emma Voorstelling standing over there by the Ladie’s Social and Quilting Society hall with Long Jim Pallaton.”

“Yup”

Ain’t she your sweetheart what promised to be true to you til the day she died, or your money ran out?”

“Uh Huh”

And din’t she say that her love for you was as pure as the driven snow and she wouldn’t forsake you for nothin”

“Yup”

Well Ain’t she running her fingers thru Long Jim’s mustache and making big ol frog eyes at him”

“Seems so”

“An isn’t Ol’ Jim pushing down on her bustle just to see how bouncy it is”

“Reckon”

“Long Jim does appear to be looking over here and grinnin’ which I would take as a personal affront if that was my girl. You think you should go say something to him now that he has publicly mocked you.”

“S’pose so”

“Well here then, let me hold your axe for you while you attend to business.

“Nope, I’m gonna need it, back in a minute”

At that point things began to deteriorate at an alarming rate. Our eavesdropper had just enough time to get down behind the water trough when there commenced the loudest screaming, the loudest gunshots, the loudest thunk-like sounds of an axe bein’ wielded, people running, Little Billie Hammerstock yelling due to Emma Voorstelling sticking him in the eye with her hat pin, and all that happening before Wyatt got there to put things to rest with his sawed off 12 gauge.

One ironic twist of fate was that Wyatt’s second barrel went off sort of by accident in the direction of where Feardall was leaning up against the porch railing laughing like there was no tomorrow and permanently cured him of over indulging. And advice giving.

It appears the moral of the story, if there is one, is Don’t be givin’ no advice that weren’t asked for and Don’t be taking it if you been in the saloon all morning. And leave your sharp pointy axe thing by your pack mule. And don’t have no truck with dance hall girls even if they make promises to you. There’s probably more to the moral but that’s all we can get out of it right now. Feel free to draw whatever wisdom you can from it tho.

When the Old Cowtown museum holds another The Age of the Gunfighter event you should attend. If you like the old west you’ll love this, just don’t ask for any advice you don’t want.