On September 27 the Institute’s observatory began to record a serious anomaly with the moon. We had noticed that the moon had started getting bigger and rounder than it usually did but that wasn’t all that unnerving as we had seen it do that once before. It was several years ago and one of our observatory personnel came screeching into the Director’s office saying the moon was going to explode because it was getting bigger and we should all run for our lives. He dove under the settee and it took all manner of prodding and poking with the cattle prod the Director keeps near his desk kept just for situations like this.
It turned out that it was nothing at all to be alarmed about. Apparently one of our observatory interns read somewhere that the moon would occasionally do this. Get all big and swollen-like and all we had to do was wait a few days and all that swelling and bloating would go down. The moon apparently embarrassed by its behavior began to shrink until it was just a pale sliver of itself and the potential catastrophe was averted. We were relieved to say the least and made copious notes in our Observatories Moon book. This is what is called “A Natural Phenomenon” by scientists and other guys and it has added hugely to the sum total of our knowledge of the moon and other celestial bodies.
This was a different kettle of moonbeams this time though. Rumors and mutinous comments about this being a “Blood” moon began to spread quickly through the interns camp and soon you couldn’t find a chicken left alive as they huddled around their smoky campfires and chanted, casting fearful looks towards the sky. When there was no apparent change in the moons behavior, in fact it was getting worse, darkening and a strange shadow began appearing across its blood red face, that they realized that the sacrifices they were making were not big enough. That’s when they really flew into a frenzy and began looking at the Staff hoping to find one alone and unarmed. We had to call all our critical staff back to the main Institute’s center and activate the mine field around the building. A few Bouncing Betty’s and they pulled back. We lost three good oxen and a mule but they didn’t breach the walls of the main hall. It was a long night fraught with terror as the weaker among us wept with fear, but our defenses held and morning came none too soon.
When it was finally concluded that this was a harmless natural event although startling in its intensity, we immediately began an instructional program to educate the interns. A few beatings, some sleep deprivation, waterboarding for the more recalcitrant ones who still had the blood lust in their eyes and we were almost back to normal. One of our Observatoryologists who watches Fox news constantly said that although this event was uncommon it was not rare and we should all just calm the hell down and worry about something important, like our upcoming national elections. Now that is really freaky.
If you look at the image above, it’s scary for sure, being all over red like that, but it’s not disastrous, except for the oxen and the mule and the eight interns that charged the minefield. They found it pretty darn scary. It’s a natural event sent to us by Mother Nature to instruct us. We added a huge store of knowledge both to our Moon book and to our HR manual in how to handle employees during a crisis. The moral I guess, is don’t like totally freak just because it looks like the end of the world. Save that energy for something important.
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