OK Folks, it’s that time again for that holiday we all wait for. A day of birthday celebration of our country’s founding. A day of hot dogs and beer and DUI’s. A day of, or actually night of, controlled explosions producing vast amounts of colored lights, joy and the universal call of the American public “Ooooooooh, Aaaaaah” while viewing the magnificent displays in the sky. And not to mention for you gun types, the heady smell of ignited gun powder wafting through the crowd. How much more American can you get. ( relax, don’t get all weird, I’m one of you)

This was also the day that my mom’s dog, a small raspy Shih-zu like creature, would go completely insane because of the sound of the fireworks and have to be given Elephant tranquilizer to keep her alive until morning.

This is also the day that my best friend in the world, Tony, got very drunk and very mad at some comment made by a supposed friend and jumped off a second floor deck onto to the roof of the pickup truck of the guy he was mad at, then jumped up and down until the roof was level with the bed of the truck. That story is still being told around the campfire and it happened years ago.

We thought we might pass on some fireworks viewing tips to our loyal readers so you might get even more enjoyment out of the day. First, if you forgot your video camera, or can’t find your cell phone, or figure out how to use it after being the moderator of the keg all day, here’s a neat little trick to bring those memories home with you. Simply blink your eyes real fast while staring at the displays in the sky. Blink really hard and fast. Then when you get home simply sit back in your Barco-lounger and remember. The images will play against the insides of your eyelids until you have to make your pilgrimage to the porcelain god in the bathroom. If you’ve done a really good job of blinking the night before sometimes you can see the rerun of the fireworks in the swirling water as it flushes your troubles away.

A word of caution. Each 4th of July many people are injured by not letting go of the fireworks they are igniting. At best the exploding fireworks will simply blow some of your fingers off. At worst they will lift you into the air (if they’re big enough of course) and they will be finding parts of your flip-flops and maybe an ear or something way the hell and gone from the fireworks area. So don’t do that. Let go of the fireworks you just lit immediately and run like hell to hide behind the keg or some other safe place.

America is 240 years old this year if you go by that old calendar method of the Julian style of running a calendar, (we’re not ones to jump into these new trendy ideas like the Georgian method), which is a long time if you’re holding your breath but not as long as it will be if you get dead from driving while intoxicated, or mishandling fireworks. So be safe, think about what you’re doing and do not eat more than 30 or 40 hot dogs. Remember that scene from the Python movie of that great big guy over-eating in the restaurant. That should help you stay in control of your excesses this holiday. OK then boys and girls, get after it, celebrate your brains out. Happy 4th! See most of you tomorrow.