Tag Archives: Director

The Final Frontier

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Space4205

We have received just under a zillion letters asking about The Institutes ongoing space program. Rather than post each one here we have chosen one letter out of the overstuffed mailbags left leaning on the gate post down at the bottom of the hill. It is from one of our many admirers in Oasis, New Mexico.

“Dear  Director, I just wanted to thank you for the lovely weekend we had. You were so gallant, bringing flowers, wine, reserving our table at Arby’s. I still remember the emergency room visit due to the carbon monoxide leak you had  in the jeep. I’m sorry you almost died but then we shouldn’t have been parked that far out of town. I’m writing this letter because I think we have a “little’ problem as I have not been visited by Mother’s natures gift to women in three months and thought you should (Note: The beginning of this note has been redacted due to its personal nature and continues below regarding our Space program.)

I know you have been working really hard on getting the launch vehicle ready for its maiden flight. I hope my small donation of welding the gantry, it was my first real welding experience since I graduated from County Tech, I gave you helps in your efforts to explore space and its time continuum thingy you talked about. That spark that started the fire and burned down the control center was unfortunate, but those things happen when you weld in knee-high grass. You were good about it though. You seemed so smart. That ‘s why I decided to let you (Note: Sorry, didn’t catch that the first time I reread this.)

I drove by the Space Port the other day and noticed that part of the gantry, is that the right word?, had fallen down, I guess I should have ‘tacked’ it more, that’s welding talk, hon, and one of the letters in America was crooked. When are you coming back down here to work on it? We really, really need to talk, I think that our little problem (Note: the rest of the letter doesn’t pertain to our Space program so I’m just going to leave it off. She ends with,)

I miss you terribly and hope that your extra government funding comes through so you can send this ship up into the heavens. I’m thinking about your offer to be the first woman in space from New Mexico and the honor that would be but I’m a little concerned about the rust around the  engine compartment, is that supposed to be there? Hoping to see you soon, and I mean soon, yours truly,

Spacey in New Mexico.”

Well, we don’t have an answer for Spacey as she obvious has us confused with some other space ship builder and cosmos explorer. Unfortunately we get letters like this periodically but that’s the price of fame. We hope everything works out ok for her and she finds the right space explorer to help her with her problems. But I have no recollection of anyone in New Mexico named Spacey and now that I look more closely at the picture I think that isn’t even our space vehicle. Ours had USA on the side, I remember, our letters were the really neat wooden ones with the routed edges because we got a deal on them from Home Depot, not those plastic cheap ones they used for America on this spaceship, and it was pointed up more. Anyway thank you for all your cards and letters and remember to include us in your last bequests when you make out  your will. We could use the funding for more programs like this one.

Reflectivity

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Reflectivity0493

During our recent semi-annual inspection trip we have looked at many of the functions of Yellowstone National Park and found them to be mostly functional, performing as expected in a timely and efficient manner. We had been closely monitoring the animals and their behavior as that is what the majority of visitors to the park key on. Show them a wolf, or a grizzly, or a marmot, even a buffalo and they think everything is right with the world and they’re content with their visit.

But there are the more sophisticated visitors that come to the park for more subtle pleasures. Something quieter than the sound of a wolf pack murdering a buffalo, or the frenzied screaming of a busload of tourists sighting their first chipmunk. These folks are out viewing the park at different times than the average sightseer. They want beauty and solitude and spectacular views filled with color and drama while everyone else is back at the hotel watching reruns of Jeopardy, trying to find the number of the pizza place that delivers and raiding the minibar.

Consequently there are different items to be checked, to make sure the park is ready for these types of visitors too, such as reflectivity, which as you know is the ability to accurately mirror the sky and all its colors on a body of some reflective surface such as a lake or river, thereby adding to the overall viewing experience.

Checking this function is a little trickier than one might imagine, as there are forces at work here that the average viewer doesn’t take in immediately. Such as placing the reflective surface at the proper angle so that the setting sun shows up correctly on the surface. The cloud generation system must be at peak efficiency to produce the proper amount of cloud material at the time the sun is setting. This means maintaining an incredible timing system. You don’t run that on a Timex. Also the surface of the water must be properly prepared and correct filters and coatings maintained in the proper combination so the colors are even more intense in the reflection than in the sky.

Doing all this is hard, like Chinese arithmetic, or trying to figure out what was going on in Jane Fonda’s head when she toured North Viet Nam. Hard, really hard. Our usual spot to see if this function is working is that gentle bend in the Madison river just a little ways above the log jam not far from seven mile bridge. The only way to observe this phenomenon is to be there about 9:00 at night near the end of May. That’s it. You pull up at the parking area, get out, walk down to the shore with your clipboard and check off ‘Yes’ on the line item, “Reflectivity On: Yes or No”. That’s all there is to it. We’ve been doing these inspections for many years now  and never, ever have we had to check the ‘No’ box. Well that’s not exactly true. There have been the few times when the cloud generator went completely nuts and produced way too many clouds and even rain storms but then the park staff sets up a roadside notification saying “Reflectivity is turned off for a short time. This is not a permanent problem. Please be patient. Reflectivity will be restored momentarily.  We have had to send to Bozeman for a new O-ring for the cloud generator and expect it to be back on-line before Jeopardy is over. Thank you for your understanding.” That only happened to us once so we can’t really count it as a common problem.

All of the while we were evaluating this situation and remarking on how reflective this reflectivity actually was, only two other cars pulled up to join us. They were really nice people. They were from out of town, some urban area or other and set up portable lawn chairs and drank wine. Pretty good wine too, out of bottle not the boxed stuff you get at Value Jug for 3 bucks a box, which tells us that the person who seeks out reflectivity is just a skoshy bit more cosmopolitan than the average slam-bam, “I can do the park in an hour and fifteen minutes” kind of visitor. We liked these people.  At times like this you fall into quiet conversations about life and beauty and how you don’t really care for Jeopardy reruns. They seemed surprised that there is an organization like The Institute with its modest but incredible Director, that cares so much about places like Yellowstone National Park that we would take it on ourselves to make these inspection trips and publish the results for the public at large to see. We allowed that we were glad too.

Note : To those of you tuning in late the following posts will catch you up on preceding events. There is no extra charge for this service, it is included in the cost of admission. We know you don’t want to miss a minute of our fascinating but undocumented report.

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/the-words-out/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/announcement-13/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/yellowstone-passes-inspection/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/ghosts-in-the-darkness/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/you-dont-see-that-every-day/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/now-are-the-foxes/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/into-each-park-some-rain-must-fall/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/through-the-keyhole/

OK That Wasn’t Funny

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HardCase5496

For those thousands upon thousands of loyal readers from all over the globe who noticed that BigShotsNow, the blog, has been off the air for several days we want to announce, we’re back…..

We were hacked. (*Note: For those of you on a time budget go to the end of this post for a quick summary) Yes just like a big phlegm ball we were hacked and spat out on the miserable roadside of the internet, unable to get to our site, unable to fix it, left with nothing but a screen declaring that “This website is currently unavailable. If you want to know why call this number. 1-8OO-oh crap!” which we immediately did.

Upon reaching our tech support we learned that thugs, despicable internet gangsters, lowlifes of the worst sort had some how gotten into our server and left despoiled files all over our html coding like little piles of puppy droppings. Of course our host, the folks who allow us to have BigShotsNow, the blog, on their servers, had to pull the plug on us. I mean, who wouldn’t. We’re not mad at them. But we are mad at those miserable, misbegotten, worthless pieces of humanity who defiled our home.

We’re not sure why they did it, that pond scum. It was probably some nefarious plan to attain world domination through thru the access of our loyal readers, or maybe they were just screwing around. In any event, that wasn’t funny.

When we saw the extent of the damage we had no recourse but to hire the best technicians available who went into the bowels of our site, as it were, wearing hazmat suits, carrying tools of reconstruction, and sparing no expense, clean, repair and reconstitute BigShotsNow, the blog. It took them nearly three days to complete this task before they came out weary, coated with the unmentionable residue of the their job, but they were successful. Fortunately not one of our readers was ever at risk of being effected or even infected in any way except in being denied the wit and wisdom they come here to find and that is the true evil that these slime-covered mental mutants do.

The technicians were successful, but worried. “This could easily happen again” they said in a voice weary but determined “These are bad, mean people. They are loveless, craven souls who exist only to bring misery and sorrow to others. They are so mean many of them bite themselves if they have no one else to torment. You should hire protection.”

So we did that too. We found the hardest, strongest, most morally superior jackbooted digital Stormtroopers around, who exist only to help keep this kind of evil at bay. They live to fight evil like this, gnashing their teeth, glaring, they make short work of any net trash looking for trouble. They will stand guard at the portals of our website keeping ever vigilant, and ruthlessly meet any challenge to the integrity of our home. So battered, bruised and bloody we return undeterred to keep publishing BigShotsNow, the blog, for you our loyal readers. The truth will always be available even if it is sometimes tarnished and barely discernible . We shall not be silenced.

Thank you for your patience and your support during these troubling times. The Director thanks you, The Institute thanks you, and free people everywhere thank you. Watch for a new post soon.

* We got hacked. We fixed it. We’re back. Mean people suck.

Announcement !

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2014-08-13Announcement1490

Announcement !

Starting today I will be in Washington D.C. helping our lawmakers straighten things out. That means that I won’t be here then, running The Institute in the manner to which you’ve become accustomed, it being nearly impossible to be in two places at the same time. Things haven’t been going all that smoothly there in the Beltway lately and I received a call from one of the more important members of our leadership and his wife saying, “Director, we’re kind of lost here. We’ve lost our way and we need some guidance. We’ve been watching the good job you’ve been doing there at The Institute and feel you could be a big help in putting us back on the straight and narrow.”

Of course I was flattered and said I’d be right there, don’t do anything important until I get there. Just wait. There’s enough things screwed up already. If you want me to help just sit on your hands and don’t touch nothing until I show up. I thought I’d start with a little leadership right out of the chute by telling them where the bear crapped in the buckwheat so there wasn’t any misunderstandings when I began leading. I mean helping with the leading.

We’ve been having a little trouble getting our grants run through congress too, and this years funding doesn’t look that great either so I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone. So I’ve got meetings up the ying-yang the entire time I’m there. I was supposed to meet with our Colorado congress people but I couldn’t remember who they were and neither could they, and what with us legalizing pot and all I didn’t know how much use they’d be, so I arranged a meeting with the representatives from New Hampshire instead. They’ve got a great big website and were wearing vests, so I thought they’ve got mountains, that was almost as good.

While out there in the wilds of Washington D.C. I’ll be staying with some really special people who make up a large part of the taxpaying members of my personal family. They would be all the legitimate children of mine that I can locate and they’ve promised food and a warm bed and access to their touring expertise so I will avail myself of that. I think I can get Washington whipped into shape in a couple of weeks so I’ll be back around the first of April. I don’t know what the blogging is going to be like out there. I’m sure that Mr. & Mrs. You-Know-Who are going to be keeping me pretty darn busy just walking around the White, I mean the Big house and such, let alone formulating foreign policy. We’ve got a big job to do in getting those hammerheads in the mid-east to knock it off or else.

OK then, there it is. I’ll be gone, I’ll be back and between those two events who knows. Talk to you soon.