Foxes are notorious story tellers. You give a fox half a chance and he’s going to have you snorting and snorfling like a school kid before you can say “Hey! Put that down!”  They will approach you and Instead of him asking politely “Excuse me sir, but  do you have any chickens?” he’ll be much more likely to say “Yeah, and did you hear the one about the woman who had those….” and before you know it you’re laughing out loud, offering him a beer and telling him about that new bunch of Rhode Island Red hens you just got in and exactly where the hen-house is. I’m telling you right now “Don’t trust foxes.” Don’t even talk to them unless it’s to say “Do you prefer number 8 or number 12 buckshot?” Otherwise you’re going to be chickenless, I’m not kidding. They’re that good.

The only way to combat a fox is to have a bunch of one liners at hand. Foxes love one liners. They will sit and listen to them for hours which gives you time to have that significant other of yours run around back and triple lock the henhouse. Foxes need that moment when they first meet you to grab your attention so they will spit out a one liner to sucker you in and then they’re off and running and you’re caught. End result, you’re chickenless. So they’re always looking for new ones.

Here are a few I’ve found helpful.

My girlfriend told me to go and get something that makes her look sexy…so I got drunk

A blind man walks into a bar…and a chair… and a table…

As I watched the dog chase his tail, I thought “dogs are easily amused.” Then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.

One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if I could help her check her balance…so I pushed her over.

I’m like a really down to earth guy because you know….gravity.

This morning on the way to work I wasn’t really paying attention and I drove into the back of this car. The driver got out and he was a dwarf. He said “I’m not happy.” I replied “Well, which one are you then?

Remember, these don’t have to make you laugh, they have to make the fox laugh.

Now there’s no guarantee’s that any of these will work for you and your fox. All situations are case specific. After all foxes have different senses of humor just like people. All I can say is if one doesn’t work keep trying. Something is bound to hit his funny bone. You’re not auditioning for the Comedy Channel here, you’re trying to keep a fox from your henhouse. The key is to keep him amused long enough to lock up the chickens.

I just hope that this message helps some of you out there. Don’t be fooled by the foxes that come visiting. The deal is to be the first one who spits out that one liner, you do that and your chickens are safe. Otherwise you’re standing there laughing and the fox is gone, all your chickens are gone, and you’re trying to figure out what just happened. Be smarter than the fox.