Tag Archives: canyonlands

Broken Ground

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2016-10-25broken-ground9967Canyonlands: Right Click on Image, Choose Open Image in New Tab for larger view

Broken ground is just what the words imply. Be careful, that ground is broken. Don’t go falling in there. If you go up to that edge because you want to look down and see what’s down there, don’t lean way out and start flailing around with your arms and yelling “Hey I’m falling here.” and expect a lot of sympathy from anybody when you do. If you got two eyes and a brain in your head you should have noticed that that is broken ground and not got up so close and act stupid because your goofy friends think it’s funny. Remember, after you fall in they’re just going to laugh and say how dumb that was and drink the rest of your beer. Plus your cousin, the one you didn’t want to come along on this trip anyway, will probably be putting the moves on your girl before you even hit bottom.

If you did kind of winkle up to the edge and kind of lay down on your stomach several yards from the drop-off so you could crawl up there and hang your head over the edge and look, you’ll notice that the only bodies down there are ones with a camera strapped around their necks or maybe an iPad laying next to them all busted up. That’s because   the locals and others that are familiar with the West and places you can fall into, don’t do that. They right away recognize broken ground and back up real quick. Lots of them will just sit in their pickups and drink coffee out of a thermos and watch the entertainment.

 It needs to be said that there is one local and his horse down there. But it was a freak accident, he didn’t mean it. He doesn’t even own a camera. He had ridden up to tell someone not to get that close to the edge and a rattlesnake laying there looking like a cow pie, bit his horse in the leg right above the hoof and that caused no end of trouble. Horses after getting bit by things often don’t know if they’ve been snake-bit or struck by lightning so they’re apt to do unusual things. Having said that, what with the horse jumping around and trying to stomp on the snake and then rearing up and falling over backward into the abyss, it was just a colossal blunder.

Unfortunately that was really a bonehead play because as they were going over they snagged the poor, sort of innocent tourist who was trying to back up and took him along for the ride. So we can’t really hold that one responsible for his sudden demise. I guess the moral of that story is watch out for locals on horseback trying to tell you stuff, or check out the area for snakes before engaging in any meaningful dialogue with anyone, a quick motion with your hand and the simple phrase “Hey, Stay back there a minute. Looking for snakes.” will work, they’ll understand, or just stay back a ways. You can see enough from twenty feet back. You don’t need to get up there and act like some kind of nutball, all you’re going to see is dead bodies anyway.

We only bring this up to help. It’s not like we’re trying to tell you what to do or anything. It’s just the neighborly thing to do. Around here we don’t want you falling in places. It’s bad for business. OK then, remember, watch out for broken ground.

P.S. and for locals on horseback.

The Beagle Eater

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Warning: This report may not be suitable for all readers. Readers discretion advised.

The desert is a dangerous place. There are mysteries here and stories to send a chill down your spine even on the hottest day. Creatures that haven’t seen the light of day for thousands, if not hundreds of years, suddenly appear out of the darkness to scare the living crap out of you, then slink back into whatever hellish crevice they live in to wait for another opportunity to come forth and get you.

Some are slimy, but not many, this is the desert after all. The slimy ones are usually found way back in caves near a stream and lurk there, pulsating slowly, their tongues flickering out searching the air for the scent of humans. The know that sooner or later some individual who has ignored all the warning signs that say things like “Warning! Slimy monsters in here. Enter at your own Risk”. will come sneaking down the long stone corridors, exploring for the reason the warning signs were there in the first place. They usually find out much to their dismay when the dark slimy creature sends its long mucous covered tongue to wrap around their exposed throat. The only sign that someone was ever there is their muffled screams as they head slowly down the beasts throat.

But since they are so rare, numbering in the mere thousands we will move on to the really dangerous creatures that lurk in plain sight in the noon day sun. We had been exploring John’s canyon which is between Jack’s canyon and Diane’s canyon near Goosenecks state park and not too far from Canyonlands. We discovered what at first appeared to be an innocent pile of rocks when in reality they are actually deadly killers. Looking like any other lizard shaped rock formation they allow you to approach, then with dazzling speed they transform into a lizard-like creature and eat your beagle.

We have captured one of these devious, but cunning devils after it had recently fed and had returned to its dormant state in the photo above. Hearing the pitiful sobbing of a distraught hiker coming down the trail, we noticed that she was dragging a leash behind her, its little empty collar with the name tag “Tuffy” softly glinting in the sun. As she stopped to untangle it from the thorny bush it had snagged on we asked her what had happened.

“It was horrible” she sobbed. We saw this lizard like rock and stopped to take its picture when Tuffy suddenly pulled loose and ran up to it.” She broke down here and it took several bottles of gin to get her speaking again. “It was so horrible. This beast, this demon-spawn, this death-dealing creature from the pits of hell, ( this is where we took the gin away from her) suddenly came alive and snatched Tuffy in its cavernous maw. And ate him. One bite. One little yelp, that’s all I have to remember him. That and this stupid leash that keeps getting tangled up in everything.”

We did our best to console her but she was, like, inconsolable, so we left her there with our last bottle of gin and crept forward to observe this creature. It had already resumed its dormant state and simply lay there full of Beagle and looked like a pile of rocks again. We don’t know if its diet consists primarily of Beagles or it will take other types of canines too. In fact, we don’t know much about it at all, other than the story our hapless but drunken and beagleless victim related to us. We did notice a complete absence of coyotes in the area where they should have been knee-deep, but that doesn’t prove anything. Thinking that this whole episode requires more thinking we intended to think more about that tomorrow. Our plan was we would return in the near future with a malamute, as soon as we can get one from the pound, to see just how varied this creatures’ appetite is.

So the moral of this story is, if indeed it needs a moral, is “Keep a tight grip on your Beagle. Don’t go running up to something that resembles a lizard just because it looks cool. And pay attention to warning signs near abandoned caves. And oh yes, if you must hike in uncharted desert regions with your Beagle make sure he has attended a qualified dog training course and understands the risks of desert hiking. Get one of those bumper stickers that say “My Dog was an honor student at the Biteless Beagle Academy”, or wherever you take him so that others know that you two are qualified to be in the desert. Remember, Be Safe, and if it looks like a Beagle Eating Stone Lizard it probably is.” And also keep in mind, you’re in Utah. A lot of strange stuff happens there.

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A Different Kind Of Beauty

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Burnt Trees Canyonlands

 

If you’re looking for the conventional kind of beauty where there are lush greens and large expanses of deep blue water, brilliantly colored flowers and pastoral scenes of tranquility, then the Southwest is not where you want to be looking.

Out here this country isn’t full of the lush greens, blue water, and pastoral scenes. Out here the scenery has to make do with a different palette, a more primal palette of stark colors, harsh light and hard defined shapes.

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Harsh conditions are the norm with the sun’s heat being the master designer of this landscape. The designs are usually simple, the elements few. This spare look can be too elemental for some, especially those used to the lushness of a water filled environment, but to others it is an incredibly rich environment with an endless variety of form, color and structure.

In the photo above fire had swept through this canyon, consuming the life of these trees but leaving their structure behind to show just how merciless this country can be, but also how beautiful it can be. Once you’re hooked by this landscape with all of its hard edges and simple yet gorgeous colors, you’re hooked for life. It is completely understandable how artists like Georgia O’ Keefe and Albert Lujan spent their entire lives trying to set down on canvas the mesmerizing scenes of this very different landscape.

This is Canyonlands.

No Services

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NoServices0562Canyonlands Utah                                click to enlarge

Phlegm Catarrh’s World Famous Trading Post!

Cold Soda! Post Cards! Bus Stop! Greyhound station! Customs! ATM! Fishing Licenses! Gas and Oil! Party Favors! Maps! Pony Rides! Moccasins! Information! Taxes Done While You Wait! Indian jewelry! Fry Bread! Mechanic On Duty! Bible Verses Explained! Passports! Barber Shop! Rodeo Tickets! Water! Water To Go $8! Brakes Inspected! Flare Guns! Box Lunches! Wills Made Out! Internet Café! Babysitting Done Cheap! Snake Bite Kits! Message Board! Immigration advice! Notary! Cabins to Let!

These signs and more greeted us as we pulled up to the rusty gas pumps. Everything was covered with the fine red dust that makes this country look like a movie set on Mars. It was desolate but we were just happy to find someone alive. After getting Powell the pump dog to move we stuck the nozzle into our gas tank and flipped the lever up. Several minutes went by with nothing happening. Clicking the handle, flipping the lever up and down, smacking the side of the pump, nothing worked. Finally we heard the Screendoor slam and out came an older fellow, unshaven, kind of tall, kind of covered with the same red dust, who we guessed was Phlegm himself. He came out to the edge of the porch and said “Ain’t no gas. Truck hasn’t been here in three years. If you need gas you’ll have to take the short cut down to Potash rd. then onto 279 until you come to 191. That ought to take you into Moab. I heard they got gas.” How far is that, we asked in our bravest voice, we’ve got less than a quarter of tank left. “Shoot, no problem just head on down the hill here and try not to use your 4 wheel drive too much.”

Are the roads marked, we don’t want to get lost, you can probably tell we’re new around here. “You don’t say, Hell Yes They’s marked! Sorry Ma’am. The school bus driver put up fresh piles of stones at all the corners so the new driver wouldn’t get lost. Damn fool wound up way the hell , sorry Ma’am, back behind the Hopi reservation last week. We didn’t see the kids for three days.” I’m not sure we understand the stone marking system, how does that work? “You people really are new ain’t you. Where you from, New York city? Listen up then. The first corner you come to at Potash there’s a big flat rock and on it are two kinda smaller, rounder rocks with the littlest one pointing up the road where you’re supposed to go. It’s simple you can’t miss it. How much gas did you say you got?” Little less than a quarter of a tank. “Hmmm, you might want to coast the first 7-8 miles down the hill then.”

Don’t you have any gas at all you could let us have, we’d really appreciate it. ” No, can’t really spare any but I can sell you a map. It’s pretty close. They made some changes to White Rim road though after the rockslide tore it up. Buried the town grader under 20′ of rock. Damnest thing you ever saw, sorry Ma’am, if old Ed hadn’t stopped to take a leak, sorry ma’am, we still be digging for him. Come to think of it you may want to coast a little farther down the hill, you’re going to need 4 wheel drive to get through that stretch.”

How much is the map then? I guess we better have one. “Well, seeing as it’s the last one I got and it’s almost a collectors item, I can let you have it for 20 bucks.” 20 bucks for a map? That’s a little steep, isn’t it Phlegm? ” Well, I don’t know, young fellow. You got a Map?” So we paid our money and started down the hill. It was a very steep part of the hill with a sharp bend to the right when we saw the faded sign that said ” No services for the next 128 miles.”  Phlegm had not mentioned this to us and as there was no place to turn around for as far as we could see and we couldn’t back up, we walked the half mile back up to the store to ask Phlegm what that meant.

Phlegm! There’s a sign there that says No Services for 128 miles! Is that right? “Yup that’s right. The signs there for sure.” We can’t go 128 miles on a quarter tank of gas! ” Well, son, then don’t miss that flat rock with the two smaller rounder rocks on it. If you do, then it’s 128 miles to the next Trading Post, but it ain’t as well stocked as this one, so look close.” Do you have a phone Phlegm? We need to call Triple A. ” Nope, used to, but the last tow truck that came up here slid down the hill. Took out three of our poles and phone company hasn’t sent anyone out since. You folks better get going if you plan on making it out before dark. That roads tricky at night.”

How much are your cabins Phlegm? “Well son, I can let you have one with two beds in it for 250 dollars a night. The ones with one bed are all taken, You like Fry bread?, by the way, do you folks need your taxes done? Come on over this way, watch for snakes now if you need to use the crapper, I mean the facilities, sorry Ma’am.”

Chiaroscuro

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Chiaroscuro0661Canyonlands                                                                 click to enlarge

Chiaroscuro in the canyons. Chiaroscuro is one of those words artists like to throw around to show how much they know about art and you don’t, and like French cooking, Vichyssoise is still a soup made from leeks, onions, potatoes, chicken stock, and cream despite how you pronounce it. As soon as you know the definition the mystery goes away, snotty waiter or not. Chiaroscuro in its simplest definition just means light/dark, in Italian anyway. And when it comes to art, who you gonna believe, the guy down the street or an Italian like Caravaggio. I’m betting on Caravaggio.

This Chiaroscuro is an effect that drew me at an early age to appreciate art. I didn’t know why but I knew I liked the look of those dark spaces with the central light-filled areas glowing with colors of gold and silver and Ivory reflecting from helmets and swords or fancy chandeliers. And other colors such as the deep, deep reds of velvet and the glow of porcelain colored skin were a fascination that has held up through the years and affects my work on a constant basis.

The southwest seems to have been created with the definition of Chiaroscuro in mind. The spring and fall when the light is changing, especially during the morning and evening hours, is spectacular at worst and overwhelmingly, breathtakingly beautiful at best. Can you imagine the type of paintings we would have if Rembrandt had been able to visit the southwest. How about “The Night Watch” only using warriors from the Chiricahua Apaches in their full war regalia against the deep rich colors of the canyon walls. It makes me want to paint.

My eye is drawn to the interplay of light and dark constantly as it was when I was just a child figuring out what I liked about this art stuff and the canyons provide me with endless subject matter. Only now I can create my own Chiaroscuro images in the click of a shutter and I do.