Tag Archives: calf

The Visit

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Now listen we’re going to visit the Bovinos today and I want you on your best behavior, you hear me?

Yes, mom

Don’t be pulling any stunts like you did last time. What possessed you to head-butt Lawrence anyway? you know how clumsy he is. That coffee table must have cost twenty bales of hay. You’re lucky she didn’t ask us to pay for it, your father would still be tanning your hide.

He’s a twit mom. Why do we even have to go over there?

Because she’s the herd bulls cousin and your dad wants to be on the board of directors of the MRAMA. That’s important. That means he’d be in charge of the entire Western region of the Madison River Affiliated Meadows Association and we’d have the best grazing in the entire Madison river valley. So we have to go make nice with them and see if we can’t make peace with her. I don’t much care for them either but we can at least go there and eat hay and talk. You can play with Lawrence but so help me if you head-butt him again, you won’t get any milk from me for a week. You got it?

Geez mom, I do. Man. What !  Ma! Now what?, I said I wouldn’t head-butt the little dork.

Don’t you use that tone of voice with me William Johnson, I’m talking about you doing your business in the hallway instead of out on the grass. I swear I do not know what has gotten into that melon of a head of yours. Are your horns starting to come out, is that it?

God mom don’t talk about that kind of stuff it’s embarrassing. And Lawrence locked the bathroom door so I couldn’t get in, the little toad, there was no way I was going to get outside in time. He’s always doing stuff like that. That’s why nobody likes him in nursery school. I may head-butt the little creep just for good measure.

William if you do I swear…..

Ok, Ok, Ok. Lets not stay too long alright. I don’t how long I can be good. Besides my forehead itches something awful. If that stupid Lawrence says one thing about these bumps I’m getting I will show him what a head-butt is. I don’t care if I ever get any milk again.

William for cripe’s sake if I have to tell you one more time…. Ok there they are, behave yourself now please, and for god’s sake do not try to nurse from Mrs. Bovino again. I don’t know if we’ll ever live that one down. I don’t care if your dad did think it was funny. Do not do that again. Oh Hi, Evelyn, it’s so nice to see you again. Yes it is a lovely day.

Time To Smell The Leaves

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When bears first wake up they are very, very hungry. They haven’t eaten since way last fall and they have to get something in their stomachs like right now. If it can be chewed they will attempt to eat it. Grass, old semi-used carcasses, any footprints in the dirt if some one walked by carrying something edible, peanut butter, nuts and/or berries, pizza, knapsacks with food in them, Chinese food either take out or eat in, gluten-free stuff, stuff with extra gluten, French food, cereal of any variety, tires that have run over roadkill, chili, chili dogs, dogs, manioc, coconut and coconut byproducts, leaves, buds, disgusting stuff that can’t even be written down, cook books, quarter pounders, quarter pounders with cheese, and lard. All of this and more is on the menu when the bear first wakes up.

So they go forth and ravenously eat anything that is remotely edible until they finally fill up that spot that says “I’m starving. Feed me.” After that happens they begin to become a little more selective in what they eat. Some even become connoisseurs and quite sophisticated gourmets, choosing only the choicest of the new offerings provided them by Mother Nature. Here we see Ms. Eula Ndego Jones, a new resident of Yellowstone National park, having come down from the famine stricken wastes of southern Saskatchewan through Montana and finally reaching the park just as the new leaves are unfurling. She carefully inhales the aroma of the young leaves before choosing the most delectable ones to eat. A few weeks ago she would have eaten the leaves, the bush and all its branches, plus about a pound and a half of the dirt around it.

But now, having regained some of the weight she lost through her long hibernation, she is being quite choosy about what she eats, taking delicate little bites from this bush and that, enjoying the moment, slowing down her intake just a little while she enjoys the warm spring sunshine. This is a time to enjoy the coming of the new season. It won’t be long before the elk start having their young and the calf selection will be at its premium, if the winter kill wasn’t too severe amongst the herds that is. But if it was then the carcasses will be plentiful and that will make living a lot easier. And there will be all those young ground squirrels that haven’t learned burrow safety yet so life is looking pretty good right now.

Spring is a time of rejuvenation and the animals here in Yellowstone have learned how to take advantage of it. I think we could all take a lesson from them about slowing down a little and savoring the moments of this time of year, after all Spring doesn’t last that long. I think we can forego the old carcasses and young ground squirrels though but those leaves might be nice in a salad with a few Fava beans and a nice Chianti.

One Headed Buffalo Calf

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You know when you’re waiting in line at the supermarket because that lady that just walked jumped in front of you has sent the checkout person back to exchange a cucumber that had a spot on it for another one. You know who I mean, she’s the same one who orders spaghetti at McDonald’s and then argues with the counter guy because it’s not available. Well when this happens and it always does, it gives you time to read those magazines at the end of the counter, the ones with stories like “My Grandmother Had Bigfoot’s Baby!” and “Aliens Ate my Poodle!” stuff like that. Well I like those. It gives you a chance to see what the normal folks are up to while you’re out in the boonies taking pictures.

So there, right on the front cover was the story “One Headed Buffalo Calf Born in Yellowstone!” I was GobSmacked I got to tell you. I had recently been up to Yellowstone and hadn’t heard a word about it. You’d a thunk they would have had roadblocks set up so everybody coming and going would know what was going on. Nope, not a word.

I was so excited by this phenomenon that I dropped my gallon jug of Ensure and dashed out to Yellowstone. I didn’t even stop to water my Coleman’s coralroot, a stunning purple orchid that exists in only a few mountain ranges in the Southwest. Fewer than 200 are known to exist in the wild and I had just nudged mine into blooming. I didn’t care. All I could think of was to get up to Yellowstone and document this miracle before some else did.

I barely came to a rolling stop at the park’s entrance to flash my lifetime Geezer Pass and current Driver’s License while yelling “Where is It ? Where’s the one headed Buffalo calf?” The attendant crisp and sharp in her freshly pressed Ranger suit barely looked up as she said “Try along the Madison.”

I was baffled. Here we have one of the biological miracles of the century and you would have thought I had asked her where I might see some Japanese tourists with cameras. I looked her right in the eye and said “There’s a one headed Buffalo calf in the park and I’m going to find it.” She didn’t seem alarmed as she looked directly at me but I noticed she pushed that red button thing they have in their booths that take your picture.

But I had my first clue, the Madison river, that’s where all the buffalo hang out to have their calves. Clever, hiding it plain sight that way. I drove slowly along watching the various groups of buffalo and then suddenly there it was. She was standing alone as if shunned by the rest of the herd. A young buffalo cow and her newly born ! – One Headed Buffalo Calf- ! I nearly passed out with excitement. My hands were shaking and I couldn’t do a simple thing like set my tripod up, I was only able to extend two of the legs and the stupid clamp wouldn’t work and I finally just threw it down on the ground and kicked it under the truck. I handheld the camera and that is why the first three hundred of my shots were blurry but eventually I was able to get a hold of myself and start acting like the professional I am.

I got those pictures that day. You can see one above in fact. There he is, a one headed buffalo calf born in the wild to a registered full-blooded buffalo mother and I have the picture. There were other photographers there that day and some were taking pictures, but they missed the story of their lives. They looked right past this little guy as if something like this happened every day. Not me though, I got the shot and right now I’m shopping it around to the tabloids. Murdoch hasn’t returned my call yet but that’s probably because some aide is asleep at the switch. Boy is he fired when the boss sees this shot in Nat Geo and he could have had it for a song. My answering machine is blinking, that’s probably Getty wanting exclusive rights, but I don’t know, I’m holding out for the big bucks. Wish me luck.

Spring Song

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It is not a very well-known animal fact that moose babies like to serenade their mothers whenever they can. According to Dr. Frieda Houf, our resident Mammologist and young moose specialist here at the World Headquarters of our Media Empire, young moose may have a more sinister motive to their singing than first imagined. It is her theory that the real purpose behind moose singing is a desire to drive their mother’s to a point where they don’t know if they’ve been snake bit or struck by lightning. When asked what benefit this would be to the youngster Dr. Houf replied, referring to her doctorial thesis, “My Moose, My Life, and the Power of Sensible Shoes”, The youngster, obviously hungry due to not eating for the last three minutes, must affect his mother’s behavior to get her on her feet so he may nurse. Singing to her in a voice that closely resembles that of a strangled cat, will often cause the mother to leap to her feet regardless of how tired she is and allow the young crooner access to breakfast.  Dr. Houf then referred us to the chapter in her thesis, ‘Life isn’t fair and it’s often unkind” where she explains this theory in greater depth. Unfortunately we have been using Dr. Houf’s book to hold up the corner of the garage here at the World Headquarters of our Media Empire compound I mean campus so we can not verify the accuracy of her information at this time. However as we have never actually caught her in an outright lie, we have to assume that there is a kernel of truth in what she is saying. What we do know with absolute certainly however is that this young moose family spent a sunny day in the willow thickets in the Indian creek drainage just past the obsidian cliffs here in Yellowstone National Park with Mom alternately resting and jumping to her feet when ever feeding time rolled around. Fortunately for the young singer Mom has infinite patience.

Birthin’ Babies

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Buffalo are a lot like other creatures that have babies, they’re just bigger is all, and because they are bigger you can’t always tell that they’re pregnant. Such was the case with this young cow that was soon to be a mother. Whenever I go to Yellowstone, as a creature of habit I have a tradition, or ritual, OK an obsession, where my very first picture has to be of a buffalo. They are the icon for me that represents Yellowstone and all the creatures and natural wonders that makes the park the unique place it is and what draws me back there year after year. As I entered the park from the western entrance and drove along the Madison river watching the herds I noticed a grouping of cows within but slightly separate from the main herd. I pulled off the road, got out and casually ran my lens over the slowly milling animals looking for one that might be my opening shot. Suddenly, without warning, the young cow near the center of the picture began to spin around and out popped a calf. It flew through the air and landed on the ground with a thud. The cows who seemed to be acting as mid-wives and had been keeping an eye on this expectant mother all stood stock still. I stood stock still. It could not have been more unexpected or had any greater impact on me had it happened at Westminster cathedral. I looked around at the other people standing near me and none of them had seen this. The miracle of birth that had just thudded to the ground in a wet pile went unnoticed by everyone but me and the buffalo mid-wives.
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It appears by her size and uncertainty that this may well have been this cows first calf. Buffalo breed when they are two years old and have their first calves when they are three. Instinct has taken over and she knows what to do, she just isn’t quite sure how to do it.
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Another even younger cow comes over trying to make sense of all this but just gets in the way confusing this new mother even more. First item of business is to get rid of the afterbirth which she handles very well and before long the brand new calf is clean as a whistle.
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Next on the agenda is to get him up so he can nurse and learn who his mother is. She is having a little trouble with this part and can’t quite figure out how to do it and winds up rolling him over several times.
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More of the older cows arrive and start to check out the new addition. The new mom is off to the left of the calf lying on the ground.
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Seeing the new calf struggling to get up brings more of the older cows nearer while the new mom still appears be bewildered by events. She hasn’t taken charge of the situation yet and looks on more as a spectator rather than the main participant.
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It is a struggle, to be sure, to find your footing when you don’t know how to do anything yet. His legs aren’t doing what he wants and he keeps falling over. At the top of the image a large older cow arrives and takes charge of what is rapidly becoming a chaotic situation.
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Meanwhile life goes on in the herd. Two bulls decide this meadow isn’t big enough for the both of them and attempt to settle things just a few feet away from the struggling new calf. In the background several elk cows are fording the Madison and up on the road the tourists are boarding their bus to go on to the next sight.
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More and more exhausted the young calf still struggles to get up. He needs to nurse to replace the lost energy spent coming into the world. The midwife greets the new arrival
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and with a few nudges quickly helps him to his feet. He mistakenly thinks she is mom but with several more gentle pushes she redirects him to his own mother and nature begins to take it’s course. His mother is standing directly behind the mature cow and you can see the difference in their sizes, as the new mother is almost invisible behind the larger cow.
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He quickly heads in the right direction and finding her is soon nursing. The midwife cow has her own calf to feed but she sticks around a little longer to make sure that everything is working right for the mother.
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As soon as he has drunk his fill the totally exhausted calf and the brand new mother take a much needed rest. The entire episode, from when the calf hit the ground until this first nap, was almost exactly fifteen minutes according to the time stamp on my camera. It doesn’t take long to get born in the Yellowstone.