Tag Archives: Arizona

Camo – It’s Not Just For Wearing To Wal-mart Anymore

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Camo2173Lizard, Page Arizona                            click to enlarge

Ever since the popularity of Reality TV we’ve noticed an uptick on people wearing camouflage. You see it everywhere. There doesn’t seem to be a public place you can visit now where you won’t see someone, or a group of someone’s, wearing what is now known simply as Camo.

What all these people have to hide is beyond me. They can’t all be in witness protection. The varieties of Camo are also amazing. There are sports camo, fashion camo, swim camo, arctic camo, jungle camo, urban camo, camo specifically for Pennsylvania, army camo, Baptist camo, Specialty camo, like guys wear that hide in the grass and shoot other guys, Camo you wear fishing, camo lingerie, camo flavored pop tarts, camo wax, camo classes to learn how to speak camo, the variety seems endless.

What’s more, through some kind of osmosis, animals have begun picking up on this trend and many of them have developed their own specific kind of camo as you can see in the image above. That’s right camo wearing lizards for instance. I don’t know how they found out about it. Maybe through some kind of exposure to TV rays or something. This intrigued us here at the Institute and we decided to send one of our top herpetologists out in the field to bring back a report on this newest phenomenon.

We chose the one everyone calls Lizard boy since he was observed eating flies off the wall of his tent, to go to Page, Arizona where the barely noticed lizard was last seen. He was wearing camo after all, the lizard not the Lizard boy, wait, the Lizard boy was wearing camo too, anyway he was the only one available so off he went.

The reports we got back were scattered and somewhat fly-specked but it seems that this new lizard camo is so effective that our field agent couldn’t locate it. Neither the lizard nor the camo. There was no lizard to be found. There were places where a lizard might have been, which were identified by the lack of any insects within the effective tongue range of a lizard, (in this case we believe a zebra-tailed lizard) which in this species is 3.9cm, but it was hard to confirm that identification due to the fact that the lizard was camouflaged. This was disappointing as we had spent a lot of time and money on this research with absolutely nothing to show for it.

All in all this has been a compete bust, No lizard, no reports, no Lizard Boy, he’s gone, there’s no sign of him anywhere. Although come to think of it, if he was able to get a hold of some of that new lizard camo he could have  been standing right there and we’d never have noticed him.

Some of the conclusions we were able to come to, were, camo works, it’s popular, not just in the deep south like before but everywhere. It’s pervasive. It’s not unusual to see chic young women entering swanky Spas on Rodeo Drive wearing spa camo or dancing the Hollywood nights away in sultry disco camo. It’s a wonder that anyone can find anyone else nowadays.

We still have the problem of finding our herpetologist, Lizard Boy. We can’t just leave him out there, lying in the sun with his tongue out, stuffed to the gills with flies, so we’re sending one of our staff retrieval specialists out to bring him back. That is if we can locate any of our Institutes’ vehicles after we had them painted in the newest camo colors.

Animal Portraits

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AnimalPortraits0665Coyote    Escalante                                                    click to enlarge

Every once in a while we try something new here at the blog and this is one of those times. From time to time I’m going to feature one of my animal portraits that will be included in a new forth coming eBook named, coincidentally enough, Animal Portraits. I’ll give you some background about the animal and how the shot was made without getting too technical thereby causing you to roll your head back uncontrollably as you pass out from boredom. Many a knot on the head and/or a chipped tooth has happened because of boredom. I promise to be careful.

Each portrait will show not just what the animal looks like, documentary style like the picture of the bull elk standing 3/4 bugling that you’ve seen 100 times, but more what the animal is ‘like’. It’s character, its personality, where it lives, what it does, who it  likes to hang out with, what it likes to eat, everything that shows what makes that animal unique. Sometimes it will just be a study letting you put the story to the picture.

This portrait is of a coyote that happened to be frequenting the roadside in an area of Arizona known as The Neck. The Neck is a very cool stretch of highway in the Escalante area of Arizona with steep drop offs on either side and a view that goes on forever. Many people use it for its primary function of getting you from here to there and I did too, but I paid special attention to my surroundings in the hope that there would be that more than special image happening. After all it isn’t often that you can drive a narrow highway high in the sky and look down a thousand feet on either side of the road. Slow is good here because while beautiful it is terribly unforgiving of any error.

What animals lack in human speech they more than make up for in expression, body language and emotion. It is hard to tell exactly what this guy is thinking but you know he’s thinking something. He had obviously been given handouts by travelers as he was cautious and expectant but not afraid when I stopped to ask him directions. It was also clear that he expected some sort of payment and when I didn’t provide it he began considering me in a different light.

That is what made his portrait important for me and why I am considering adding it the book. Not that he was just considering this cheapskate that had stopped for reasons unknown, after all, if he didn’t want to feed me, or shoot me, what the hell did he want, but that he was interested and curious enough to put some thought into it. Not to get too Disney about this but look at that face. There’s something going on in there. Maybe this picture works for me because he’s made me curious about him too.

Art, What It Is

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Petroglyphs   Monument Valley   Arizona                                                          click to enlarge

Here at The Institute we are all about Art. I mean ‘All About It’. One of the prerequisites of obtaining employment with us is you have to pass a rigid, difficult testing procedure where the prospective employee must be able to pick out art in its many forms wherever it may exist. No multiple choice questions here. They must be able to state “Yes that’s art and here’s why” and be able to write a short 800 page conclusion as to why they think it is art and how it fits into modern life as we live it today. If they can not do this or they choose something that is not art, like maybe a Jackson Pollock painting or anything that needs to be explained at length to be able to understand it, they are immediately rejected, foreheads stamped with a large red “Don’t no Art”  and sent to seek employment with the government or some other soulless place that is primarily decorated in grey.

But that’s not the end of it, no sir, for their final test they are sent out into the world at large with the instructions to find ‘Art’ and bring back proof that it exists. We prefer the actual piece of art itself, that we then keep carefully stored in our climate controlled Art bunker, but on the rare occasion that the prospective employee cannot bring it back due to legal restrictions, or fear of being shot while trying to remove the art, we will accept photographic proof that there is Art there. Photographs must be unaltered and show enough of the surrounding areas to document that it is not ‘Fake Art’ drawn by the prospective employee, or Art copied from a book, or a post card set up on a rock some place to fool us. We know all the tricks, any funny business and it’s off to the government employment office for them.

Recently we had a very good prospect that passed with flying colors all of the testing we could throw at her and as one last hurdle she was sent out into the desert with nothing but an 85 lb. pack and a point and shoot to find art. Her only failing was she took our instructions a little too literally and tried to bring back the carving and most the rock slab it was on. The image above was found on her camera when we went through her personal effects. We can only surmise that her judgment was clouded by her hallucinations and lack of proper hydration. Lesson learned here, don’t try and deface art on public property or tribal lands. It is sad to lose the possibility of a good employee and we marked her application “Passed with Honors” and “She really knew Art but was a little weak on tribal law.” Her application is tacked up on our jobs available bulletin board as an example for all of our employees to emulate, without the defacing part, that is.

Although these requirements may seem harsh to those reading this, we must reiterate that Art is all, and consequently the price we pay for art can be high. But what that means for you, our loyal readers, is that you can rest assured that any images you see here are actual pieces of Art, original, unedited except for maybe some Photoshop stuff we do to make it look better, and best of all free. So enjoy, folks have paid a very high price for us to be able to bring you, Art, in all it’s glory.

The Far Reaches

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MarbleCyn2538-2549Marble Canyon Arizona                                                  click to enlarge

One of the amazing things about the Southwest is how far you can see. There are places out here where you can see for two days. Vistas that are so achingly beautiful that you can’t believe you’ve been privileged enough to see them.

The interaction between land and sky happens differently here than other places with the features on the ground being lit from above and the clouds above being lit from below. Light and shadow, colors and shapes the combinations are endless  and you can get lost just watching the changes occur. It’s like the worlds biggest kaleidoscope.

One time in another life I had a resort in the southwest corner of Colorado. We had people staying with us from all over the world. There were some folks checked in that were from some big urban center back east and they came in and said they wanted to check out, they were going home. When asked why, weren’t they enjoying their stay, their reply was “They didn’t like being able to see this far”. It made them nervous. It changed their entire sense of perspective and made them feel small. I remember thinking at the time that I couldn’t see far enough.

Whether you’re from the camp that feels more comfortable in the confines of the urban canyons or you need the wide open spaces to feel alive, the one thing that is undeniable is the beauty of this country. Some of us need to be here while others can make do with a picture. Which one are you?

Ambassador from Sirius the Dog Star

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Ambassador4677

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We have gotten tons of letters here at the Institute of Regained Knowledge or IRK as it is affectionately called by our many readers who don’t like to read long names, asking “Why don’t you ever post anything about the ‘Power Centers of the Southwest’ and their role in the aid and assistance of intergalactic transport?” Well it’s funny you should ask because we were going to do just that very thing.

It is a little known fact that IRK  with its COWGFLOP ( Checking Out Weird Guys From Other Low-rent Places) scientific research division has long been involved with and assisted in the various programs by the Government and serious civilian organizations that reach out, assist, promote and monitor travel among the different folks in the Galaxy. We have on our staff several researchers that regularly speak to individuals in different star systems not to mention different dimensions who are much more advanced in their mode of travel than we are and are just looking for a fun place to go on their vacation. Mostly its Vegas but occasionally they want to see the sights. We’ve been accused of being little more than an intergalactic travel agency but we refute such accusations with really vehement denials. After all we have to protect our phony baloney jobs somehow, I mean we  conduct serious research here and will not be slandered.

One of our particularly gifted Adepts or ‘far reaching talkers’ as we prefer to call them regularly communicates with the Ambassador from Sirius, the Dog Star, and they have gotten to be quite good friends, having toured the Mall of America and other cool places together.

What you see above is the actual act of the Ambassador from the star Sirius nearly completing his trans-teleportation using one of the countries most top-secret power center locations. Its sort of like an interdimensional bus stop for the galaxies travelers. Unfortunately due to strict regulations and restrictions set up by our government, the one that’s here to help you, we can not legally divulge its name or location. We can tell you however that it is very near, within a few feet actually, of Upper Antelope Canyon which is just outside of Page, Arizona and is open to the public year round for a small nominal fee. Also any attempt to publish or make money off the exploitation of our galactic friends will result in huge fines, jail time and dismemberment, so we’re pretty darn careful not to do that for sure. Since all you can see is the beginning of his tail starting to become visible from the ‘beaming down’ part of the sequence we feel safe in displaying that much of the process. Plus we haven’t used his name which is unpronounceable in our tongue but  sounds a lot like the answer to that riddle when you ask a dog “What does sand paper feel like?” Or “What’s on top of a house?” We can’t get any more specific than that, see rules and penalties above, but we can say that our interpreter says it means “DownBoy”.

As stated previously we normally do not disclose any facts or itinerary’s regarding our travelers for security reasons but this one fact was leaked by person or persons unknown. (See WickiLeaks entry dated July 12th 2013) The Ambassador is here to spend their national holiday ‘Finding the Golden Bone’ by touring the largest Dog Park in the United States, “DogWood” near Jacksonville, Florida. This place is the DisneyWorld and every other major theme park rolled into one for those of the canine persuasion and the only one of its kind in the whole mapped Cosmos. We are very proud of our American entrepreneurial spirit. We can only hope that the Ambassador has an amazing time and brings back many more of his hairy brethren in the future. We Stand To make a Killing if this takes off, I mean we look forward to promoting good fellowship and intergalactic peace in the future for all species-kind. Happy traveling.

Earth Day

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EarthDay9725click to enlarge

Earth Day, a celebration of our Earth. We all live here so let’s honor it with an acknowledgement of it’s beauty and grandeur and like the guy said, a picture is worth 1000 words. So let’s start counting then, 1. Cool.  2. Great. 3. Awesome.  4. Wowser.  5.Spectacular. You can fill in the rest I’ve got to go out and look around at what we got.

Sandfall

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SandFall4734

The Southwest is full of amazing places where the unusual is the norm. This happens to be Antelope canyon and I’m sure you’ve all seen the images of it’s incredible colors and fantastic light beams shining down onto the canyon floor. There are two canyons, the lower where you climb down into the slot canyon and after traveling through it climb back out again and the upper where you walk through it by entering at ground level and continuing through until you walk out the other end. This is the upper canyon and normally there would be light streaming down from the narrow opening in the ceiling of the canyon a hundred feet or more over your head, but on very special occasions when the conditions are just right you get this view, sand, fine as flour sifting down from the dune on the surface when the wind conditions are perfect. It slowly fills the shallow depressions in the rock face until they overflow and you have Sandfall. This not a rare occurrence but it is uncommon as the wind has to be blowing just right, too much  and it blows the sand over the opening and it doesn’t fall in, too slow and the sand doesn’t move at all, and when the wind stops the Sandfall stops. When everything works and it happens and you’re there to see it, it feels like a miracle. Sandfall at Antelope canyon catch it if you can.