sun worshipper Oahu                                                       click to enlarge

Yesterday we brought  to your attention the severe weather that is occurring in the Hawaiian islands. After checking around the globe we found every one of our weather stations were beset by freezing cold and snow. Everywhere but the Hawaiian islands that is. They are besieged by an unseasonal lack of anything resembling cold or snow. Upon scrutinizing the few photos we have been able to receive from our Hawaiian weather station we have found that the situation is even more dire than we had feared. As you can see by the photo above the local inhabitants have begun shedding their clothes and resorting to near nakedness to adapt to the fearful weather plaguing the islands.

surf Oahu                                                                      click to enlarge

Some have begun acting strangely as a result of this catastrophe and are placing themselves in harm’s way , perhaps because they are becoming delusional as a result of the constant exposure to sun and warmth. It is difficult to tell at this stage exactly what is happening over there, but it is obvious something is seriously off track.

Riding the curl Oahu                                                     click to enlarge

Viewer Discretion Advised: Here is one of the most disturbing images to come out of this terrible situation here in the weather-torn islands of our 50th state. We hesitated to publish it because we abhor the constant bombardment of disturbing images by the mainstream media, but this is real life and you need to be informed. This is one of our staff members from the Institutes Oahu Weather station attempting a heroic rescue of someone who apparently has given up all hope of normal weather, that is freezing cold and snow, and has decided to get away from it all. We can thankfully announce that the rescue was successful and the misguided youth was saved. We send out our heartfelt thanks to Gil the intern pictured here. Thanks Gil, you’re the best.

Searching for the perfect wave Oahu                             click to enlarge

As if the preceding image wasn’t graphic enough we have proof here that the weather is causing some type of mass hysteria. Like lemmings to the cliff’s edge we see crowds of young to middle-aged and two really older people who should know better, fleeing the island on any kind of conveyance they can contrive. Most of them have found long flat boards that they are desperately clinging to as they apparently try to make their way to the mainland for some relief from this terrible aberrant weather they find themselves trapped in. Their loved ones are standing on the shore, calling out “Godspeed” and “Safe sailing” as they see their best and brightest heading out to sea. This is a terrible desperate situation and some one needs to step in and fix this.

This is why I, the director of The Institute, am approaching you, beseeching you actually, to donate large sums of money or as we asked for yesterday, first class tickets on any flight leaving for the Hawaiian islands. As we didn’t get any donations of that type we are amending the request and asking for Business class with extra leg room and the movie package, tickets instead. We are also reminding you, somewhat desperately, to send large amounts of cash, smaller denominations but many of them, to help defray our living expenses while we’re there. We have moved our reservations from the Mandarin resort to the BellyUp hotel in downtown Honolulu to lessen the costs of our humanitarian efforts. It’s on the bus line to the beach and they have vending machines in the lobby. We’re all in this together readers, and as you know I am the best person available to handle a humanitarian effort of this size. So dig deep, cash in those bonds, donate that old car you’ve got sitting in your driveway, but come up with some moola, some Benjamins, some American greenbacks, some dollars, if you will. These are desperate times and we need desperate solutions. Send that money now, send those plane tickets now, send small amounts of freeze-dried food now, dig deep into your heart to help these poor Hawaiians to a better life. Our staff members are standing by to take your calls. Thank you America, and thank you readers.