Snow Goose – Bosque del Apache        click to enlarge

Hey people, It’s Daylight Saving time in many parts of America today. It sounds weird to say Daylight Saving time, which is singular, instead of Daylight Savings time, which is plural. You’re supposed to say Daylight Saving time when you’re talking about one event like Spring Forward, or Fall Back, and Daylight Savings time when you’re discussing the time change process in general. Like when you say to your neighbor over a warm shot of tequila “Say that Daylight Savings time is something, ain’t it? All changing back and forth like that.” Everyone around our neighborhood says Daylight Savings time regardless and don’t really give a large Rat’s posterior whether it’s right or wrong. But then I live in a low-income neighborhood.

Did you remember? Did you get up or did you take advantage of that extra hour to sleep in? Guess what this guy did? The goose above I mean. If you guessed he slept in you’re today’s winner and you get an extra helping of cauliflower puree at Aunt Pheeb’s Happy Daylight Savings time dinner tonight.

Of course while he was sleeping everybody else got up and went to work like good little geese and now he’s late. He didn’t get the memo on which cornfield they’re going to be ransacking today, his girlfriend didn’t wake him up and he’s bent about that, and he has to flap all the way to where he thinks they are on his own because there’s nobody to do the V thing with. And to top it off he has to honk until his honker is sore to find them. This isn’t shaping up to be a good day to be him.

Now you’re probably saying to yourself “Now wait just a gosh-darn minute here, bucko!” this scenario happens in the Fall when the time changes to Fall back rules. Time goes back an hour and catches everybody off guard so they don’t get up in time and they’re all late and miss planes, burn the toast, and it’s still dark out when they get up and they can’t see good, etc. Remember last year? That was when Uncle Skid backed over the lawn mower in the dark on his way to the seven-Eleven to get cigarettes and it punctured the gas tank in his ’85 Buick LeSabre and it caught fire and exploded and Aunt Pheeb had to bring him lard soup because he wouldn’t eat that health food crap they tried to feed him in the hospital. This time change stuff can be tricky.

Or you know what? It could be the other way around entirely and all this stuff could be happening because of the Spring Forward thing. I told you this time change stuff is tricky. And to add to the problem there are places in our great country that have said “To hell with it.” and don’t even recognize the whole time change thing. That’s where this guy is from so he is constantly confused as to what time it is. Those folks that don’t recognize the time change thing, which is used by ‘Them’, to trick Able-bodied, Red-blooded Americans into thinking there’s more daylight than there really is, use the old system where, ‘when it gets dark they go to bed and when it gets light they get up’. They’re what we call Contrarians. Like on some of Indian reservations and Arizona.

I understand contrarian. But as luck would have it they had one not so evil genius on the program when they set this whole thing up that said “Let’s do it on a Sunday so it screws the least amount of people up.” So because of that guy (Thank you buddy) I just get up when I feel like it, go around and change my clocks, finding out first which direction they go, have breakfast, drink a little tea and am thankful I don’t have to find where everybody else is or flap my brains out trying to get there or wear my honker to a nub calling for them. So regardless of whatever the “Great Gray They” do, I’m cool.

By the way, it is 8:00am Daylight Savings time as I’m writing this. Hope it is where you live too.