There have been many, many requests, well at least five, asking for more information about The Director. Who is this shadowy figure that controls the enormous empire that is The Institute? What does he look like? Is he nice? Does he talk or walk funny? Is he an American? Does he support the Women’s movement and their right to bear arms and/or children? Sometimes at the same time? Is he incredibly wealthy and overly generous? Does he like women who look like Christina Hendricks? Is he “LikesEmHot&Slow” on page number 300 of ‘Dating For Seniors Who Can Still Walk’ website ? Is he really as handsome, suave and debonair as they say? And of course the most commonly asked question, When can we see his picture?

Well all we can tell you is that The Director does not grant interviews. He is a very private person preferring to do his work behind the scenes, as it were, and so we cannot answer those questions. He also does not send out glossy, autographed 8×10 photos of himself suitable for framing, for 25.00 each plus postage and handling.

He did consent however to provide one image that he had done while he was tooling around Europe, or what is now known as the EU, by the famed sculptor Phenofantabulo, a stuttering, semi-literate Italian who was as crazy as an outhouse rat but a savant when it came to capturing the likeness of someone in stone. This image became so popular in Venice, a suburb of Italy, that you can still find it gracing the bottom of the many abutments that hold up Venice’s bridges. There you can see his eternal gaze fixed steadily on the waters of the canals as they slosh back and forth sluggishly before emptying into the Bay of Fundy or whatever they call that bay by Venice. The Director has a fondness for this image as he often will be found staring vacantly into any moving stream of water nearby, and as he is being guided back to The Institute will say “Did you see that?”  Sometimes he will say it more than once. It’s best just to agree with him and say “Yes, yes we did.”

For those of you clamoring to see what The Director looks like the portrait above will have to suffice. Although we did mange to squirrel away a few hundred of his regular pictures we got off his driver’s license when he was down staring at the river. So the 25.00 dollar offer still stands. Let us know if you want one.