Monthly Archives: June 2015

Now Are The Foxes

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Red Fox TryptychClick to enlarge

We are continuing with our semi-annual inspection report that The Institute conducts in Yellowstone National park whether anyone wants it or not. As has been described before this is a very comprehensive inspection of all aspects of the parks operation. We leave no stone unturned, no question unanswered, no oddity unexplained, no lunch counter stool unoccupied.

One of the major checkpoints on our report is whether the performing animals are, well, performing. This is a major area of concern for park management as many of the tourist dollars spent here are dependent on how good a show the park provides. The travelling public, especially those from out-of-town, are demanding to see the various tricks, capering’s, sleight of paw trickery, mimicking, scampering cutely, impressions, demonstrations of unique abilities, ability to sing, dance, and perform acrobatic stunts that television has conditioned them to believe is realistic animal behavior.

Consequently nearly all of the parks inhabitants have their own repertoire of acts carefully selected for their particular personalities and physical attributes. Grizzly bears lumber along in a wallowing gait that makes them an amusing sight when viewed from the rear, even if there is a freshly killed elk calf dangling from its jaws you can’t help but laugh at its distinctive big butt roll, Eagles, both Bald and Golden soar and dive providing an incredible airshow for the gaping wide-eyed tourist. You can’t miss the sound of cell phone cameras clicking away to capture them in all their splendid glory seven or eight hundred feet in the air. The many hooved ungulates such as the buffalo, antelope, elk, mule deer, Bighorn sheep and Black-horned rhinoceros, put on a grazing display second to none, ok, that list was just a test to see if you were really paying attention, there are actually no buffalo in the park.

Using the beautiful four-color brochure that the park hands out to each and every paying entrant into the park that shows the time, location and activity to be performed by the various animal performers we headed to the Hayden valley our first stop, to view the amazing acrobatic maneuvers of Americas favorite small hairy predator, the Red Fox. We got there a few minutes early so we could set up our gear and get good seats as the spaces fill up rapidly once the show gets under way.

Soon, just as advertised, the Red Fox appeared and began to tease the crowd by scampering over logs, peering out from behind bushes and other shrubbery, posing and posturing out in the open for the many folks wanting photo ops, and generally setting the stage for its climatic last act, the Incredible Leaping Headstand with Bushy Tail Salute. It was an amazing performance. As soon as it was over and our performer retreated into the forest behind it, the crowd immediately dispersed, stopping only to take selfies of themselves and their companions with their cell phones and consulting the brochure for the next performance. Some were even seen photographing their brochures, the  ground they were standing on, the road, their car door handles, each other again, the now empty area where the performance took place. Every thing of interest in Yellowstone that might amaze their friends and neighbors back home must be digitally documented before the next amazing sight comes into view.

We were satisfied with the Red Fox’s performance and gave it four and a half stars out of five and went on to the next performance, a yellow-bellied marmot spitting the shells of seeds over the edge of a rock. We were in for a long day, Yellowstone has a lot of things to see and we hadn’t even gotten to the Buffalo shedding exhibit yet.

Note : To those of you tuning in late the following posts will catch you up on preceding events. There is no extra charge for this service we just want  you to be fully informed.

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/the-words-out/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/announcement-13/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/yellowstone-passes-inspection/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/ghosts-in-the-darkness/

http://www.bigshotsnow.com/you-dont-see-that-every-day/

You Don’t See That Every Day

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As our Inspection tour of Yellowstone National park proceeded in an orderly fashion we began inventorying the bears, both grizzly and black, the next step on our check list. This is a task we look forward to each year. We found that there were the appropriate number of each type scattered throughout the park and all seemed to be pulling their own weight.

At each new bear sighting we would release one of our costumed interns (see this post for details on costumed interns: http://www.bigshotsnow.com/yellowstone-passes-inspection/ ) to test the bears reaction to prey animals and sure enough the bear, mostly the grizzlies, would immediately approach the screaming intern and take the necessary action required.

This bear, who the park service refers to as bear #609 or something like that, because ‘they don’t name their animals’ according to one snooty ranger, but we refer to as Tyrone, reacted differently to our frantically struggling intern and obviously put off by the interns pitiful cries immediately jumped in the Yellowstone river. In all our years of inspecting Yellowstone we had never before seen a bear react this way. Like jump into the freaking river, you know? This was definitely irregular behavior and we are certainly going to include it in our report.

We had been following this bear for about two miles as it made its way over hill and dale observing it closely from a distance of about ¼ of a mile, noticing that it was acting in a manner that was out of character, or as we call it in scientific terms, ‘hinky’, for a grizzly bear. It would stop occasionally to sniff, then roll in a patch of wildflowers, always wriggling in obvious enjoyment. It passed by several yellow-bellied marmots, one of a grizzly’s favorite snacks in favor of nibbling tender grass shoots and the bark off an elderberry bush. We knew from previous sightings that grizzlies would often stop and lick shrubbery, even sometimes pulling the leaves off of the plant to eat them, but always they did this in a manner befitting the grizzly image, with much snarling and roaring, even shredding the bush with its razor-sharp claws.

Tyrone, or bear # 609 if you prefer like that condescending ranger, exhibited none of these traits. Even when we shoved the now crazed intern, the one dressed in the wounded elk calf costume, directly in his path, he simply stepped over him and continued on his way. It was then that we formed the startling new theory that quite possibly, almost assuredly, Tyrone was a Vegan. Now you’ve got to admit, you don’t see that every day.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your viewpoint, the intern, now past any form of coherence managed to wriggle out of his wounded elk calf costume and immediately began running down the highway towards Fishing Bridge where they have a phone and public transportation, presumably to bail on the program. There’s no way he’s getting paid as it clearly states in the contract he signed prior to the inspection trip, that all duties had to be fulfilled completely and professionally or you would not receive your salary, let alone any bonus for making it through alive. The screaming alone disqualified him, that ‘s unprofessional, even before he thought of bailing. We’ve had interns break and run before so we’ve got this locked up pretty tight contract-wise.

Of secondary importance, right after discovering that Tyrone was a Vegan, was the fact that here’s a grizzly bear, and a pretty big one too, swimming across the Yellowstone river. How cool is that? We just wish it had been one of the big butch grizzlies all full of raging bearliness instead of a leaf eating Vegan. But you can’t have everything. We saw it and now so did you, and like we said, you don’t see that every day.

Ghosts In The Darkness

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Ghosts8801

Many people do not know this but buffalo do not emit light. They do not reflect light. In fact they absorb light. What one sees when one comes around a corner late at night is not the neon green eyes of the usual grass nibblers as you would if these were normal creatures, instead there is nothing, just a dark shape perhaps slightly darker than the surrounding light, a night-time shadow, a ghost in the darkness. They loom in the roadway, an almost formless mass that represents a 2000 lb. animal blocking your passage, somewhat irritated that you would be disturbing it as it goes about its life.

They also do not understand motor driven vehicles. This is not a proven fact yet but it appears that they do not see vehicles as a mechanical conveyance at all but simply as another large animal that needs to be confronted and dealt with. The Director has a large imprint, call it a dent if you must, in his old Dodge pickup,The Enola Gay, that was placed there by a bull who apparently didn’t like the color blue. That’s the only reason we can come up with that would explain why it would suddenly charge across the roadway and attempt to gore the Enola Gay to death. During circumstances such as these one doesn’t try to have meaningful dialogue with the enraged beast, there is no attempt made to explain that this is going to result in increased insurance premiums, body work, and some inconvenience, one simply drives away glad you were not the one with a big dent in your ass. They do not care that you may be weary and just want to get home after a long day of photographing them when they are visible. Note: Sunlight makes them visible and they are much easier to see so you don’t have problems seeing them during the daytime. But night, that’s a different story.

They wander through their lives completely oblivious to the needs and demands of humans. This is why they do what appears to be mind-boggling stupid things when you least expect it. Buffalo fall into the category of things and people that do not keep regular hours. This makes them unpredictable. They will leave waist-high grass, jump into the frigid water of the closest river, crossing it to eat the waist-high grass on the other side. They will stand placidly by the side of the road as you pass only to leap out into the road and stick their horn in your radiator the next time they see you. They will lie down in the middle of the road immediately around a hairpin corner because the asphalt is warm. Even going 45 mph, or less, the speed limit in most of the park, it is difficult to stop a vehicle on such short notice. Usually they will not even get up after nearly being struck. They require that you back up and go around them. One learns to drive very cautiously in buffalo territory.

Buffalo are travelers. They’re like Deadheads. One place is never good enough. They’re soon off to hear the next concert even if its exactly like the one they just heard. They have timetables that they do not share with the rest of the denizens of the park, human or otherwise. Migratory schedules that are important enough to them that they will set out at any time, cross any obstacles to get to a place that looks exactly like the place that they just left. That is what is happening in the picture above. This small herd was feeding on the new grass of the meadows in the Madison river canyon when the bell rang and they immediately started up the roadway through the Gibbon falls canyon to the lush meadows at the top of the pass. In the old days before macadam they had trails that they would walk in, single file, nose to tail like circus elephants but then humans came along and built them these wonderful wide flat trails that they could walk ten abreast on, and they use them. In fact they own them and only grudgingly share them if at all.

One has not lived until one has followed the herd the eight miles or so from the bottom of the Gibbon pass to the top where the Gibbon meadows are. Buffalo walk at about 2-3 miles per hour, less if they have calves along, and they always have calves along, so if you are fortunate enough to get behind the herd  be prepared to inch along behind it, carefully watching the temperature gauge on your dashboard, wallowing in the delightful scent of buffalo until they get to the top. Some people become so enraged by this that they blow their horns and try and push the herd by encroaching on their space. This is never a good idea. Buffalo can be very vindictive. Repair bills are the least of your problems if you try to impose your will on a buffalo herd. Just a word of warning.

This night everyone was lucky. There was a car in the lead full of people who had never seen a buffalo before even though they had been watching them all day, so traffic was at a crawl to begin with when everyone rounded the curve and came upon these ghostly travelers. You can get a small sense of the chaos involved when the cars slam on their brakes and the herd erupts into a darting frenzy, trying to make sense of what is occurring , protecting the wild-eyed calves, and maintaining their forward motion. This is a ‘good news’ photo as if you notice the direction we’re traveling and the direction the buffalo are moving, we will be through this buffalo jam as soon as they pass by us. The folks behind them traveling in the same direction however are in for a long night.

If you visit Yellowstone and you find yourself a long way from your lodging just relax, don’t try and race home, take your time, and be ever vigilant so you don’t meet the ghosts in the darkness.

Yellowstone Passes Inspection

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Those of you who follow the blog religiously or even non-religiously, know that we have just been on our bi-annual inspection trip of Yellowstone National park. We let you know of our plans to inspect the park in this posting http://www.bigshotsnow.com/the-words-out/ . Well we’re back and we are excited to announce that Yellowstone has passed its inspection with flying colors.

As mentioned before we went up there this year with a new research vessel, aptly named The Mothership, a newly commissioned, completely overhauled and refitted land yacht, large enough and strong enough to be able to tow our shuttle craft and haul the nearly eight dozen interns we intended to use as bait animal aggressiveness testing investigators. We had decided on a new strategy this trip which included dressing our interns up in various animal costumes, to mimic small prey and injured or helpless larger animals such as an elk calf with a damaged leg, etc. to see if the predator population in the park would act in an appropriate manner or not.

We have good news and bad news as to the success of that strategy. The good news was the predators acted in a completely predictable way when confronted with our bait animal aggressiveness testing investigators. The bad news is it resulted in a complete loss of every single one of our interns. That’s a great big oops on our part. We were hoping that at least a few of them would make it through the different testing situations but that was not to be the case. However we are able to completely verify that a wolf will always be a wolf and a bear will always be a bear.

After completing the section on our report titled “Predator population still aggressive in its pursuit of prey” we were able to check that item off as a yes and get on with the rest of the inspection. This resulted in The Director, who is of course me, having to handle a much larger work load than originally considered. (Note to self: Consider holding back some of the interns in the next inspection this fall to do all of the crap work required.) But as one who leads from the front we sucked it up and got on with all the remaining tasks involved in completing an inspection of a facility as large as Yellowstone National Park.

There are many, many areas to be checked to complete this task and over the following days we will attempt to show you the various areas and critical events which must take place to keep the park functioning at the level expected by the visiting public. Are the young being born on time? Are the thermal events turned on and operating properly? Are the predators doing their jobs? Well we can cross that one off now. We know the answer to that one. Are there the proper number of smaller activities being performed, birds doing bird stuff, plants situated in the most scenic areas, large overviews of the park like snow being on the peaks in the Lamar valley, rivers running up to their banks but not over, all the usual stuff the public doesn’t notice until it’s not there.

We can state at this time that park is functioning exactly as required. Our first function check, the one we do right before we release the interns, is to see if the Buffalo, especially the bulls, are placed strategically throughout the park and in the proper numbers. As our inspection of the park always begins through the West entrance of the park along the Madison river, it is imperative that a master bull, one of the better looking more regal appearing ones, be stationed just past Seven mile bridge, in the first major meadow but not too far from the road, so it can fulfill its duty as the official icon of the park. We checked that one off as done.

Watch this space for further reports on your very favorite national park. Tomorrow should bring something interesting.