Don’t Hate me Because I’m Beautiful

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It’s been said, mostly by people that aren’t, that being beautiful is a curse. If this is so and who are we to doubt it, then it must cross species and affect all manners of creatures.

Horses are particularly vain. On a recent windy trip across the plains of Wyoming these members of the local herd were pushed up tight against the fence reveling in the way the breeze swept back their manes.

Suddenly this pinto mare began loudly proclaiming to her companions and any other passersby that would listen, that she knew she was beautiful and couldn’t help it, so please don’t hate her because of it. The other members of her group took in this information with mixed reactions.

After a certain interminable amount of this behavior the others began nodding their heads up and down in an agreeable way until she finally quit. Apparently having heard all this before they had figured out that this was best way to shut her up.

Some of the other horses were seen in the background whispering to each other that “She needed to get over herself,” or they might just run her into the fence. It’s refreshing in a way to know that we aren’t the only ones with problems. Even if we too, are beautiful. So please don’t hate us.

Father’s Day

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When I was a young bird,  I was an eagle flying high in the sky, I was a flamingo, a peacock arrayed in all of my finery, I was the strongest, the wisest, a Peregrine falcon the fleetest of wings,  a Tundra  swan able to travel thousands of miles unerringly every year to brave the cold and survive any hardship.

Then came mates, nests, eggs, dozens and dozens of them over the years.

I realized I was no longer the high-flying eagle, the one with the finest plumage, or fleet or strong, I was a dad. Nothing more, nothing less. It was enough. I wouldn’t trade any of it for any amount of treasure. I see my offspring occasionally now. Some are still being eagles, some have mates and eggs of their own. This gives me pleasure. I look at them and I see a part of me flying up there. It makes me happy and a little sad. Life changes, we change but one thing stays the same, we’re still fathers and always will be. It’s enough.

A Quick Reminder

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A quick reminder. If you’re going to the Grand Canyon this morning be sure to get out to Desert View overlook and go in the watchtower or you’ll miss this. That’s it. Go. Now.

The Final Frontier

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We have received just under a zillion letters asking about The Institutes ongoing space program. Rather than post each one here we have chosen one letter out of the overstuffed mailbags left leaning on the gate post down at the bottom of the hill. It is from one of our many admirers in Oasis, New Mexico.

“Dear  Director, I just wanted to thank you for the lovely weekend we had. You were so gallant, bringing flowers, wine, reserving our table at Arby’s. I still remember the emergency room visit due to the carbon monoxide leak you had  in the jeep. I’m sorry you almost died but then we shouldn’t have been parked that far out of town. I’m writing this letter because I think we have a “little’ problem as I have not been visited by Mother’s natures gift to women in three months and thought you should (Note: The beginning of this note has been redacted due to its personal nature and continues below regarding our Space program.)

I know you have been working really hard on getting the launch vehicle ready for its maiden flight. I hope my small donation of welding the gantry, it was my first real welding experience since I graduated from County Tech, I gave you helps in your efforts to explore space and its time continuum thingy you talked about. That spark that started the fire and burned down the control center was unfortunate, but those things happen when you weld in knee-high grass. You were good about it though. You seemed so smart. That ‘s why I decided to let you (Note: Sorry, didn’t catch that the first time I reread this.)

I drove by the Space Port the other day and noticed that part of the gantry, is that the right word?, had fallen down, I guess I should have ‘tacked’ it more, that’s welding talk, hon, and one of the letters in America was crooked. When are you coming back down here to work on it? We really, really need to talk, I think that our little problem (Note: the rest of the letter doesn’t pertain to our Space program so I’m just going to leave it off. She ends with,)

I miss you terribly and hope that your extra government funding comes through so you can send this ship up into the heavens. I’m thinking about your offer to be the first woman in space from New Mexico and the honor that would be but I’m a little concerned about the rust around the  engine compartment, is that supposed to be there? Hoping to see you soon, and I mean soon, yours truly,

Spacey in New Mexico.”

Well, we don’t have an answer for Spacey as she obvious has us confused with some other space ship builder and cosmos explorer. Unfortunately we get letters like this periodically but that’s the price of fame. We hope everything works out ok for her and she finds the right space explorer to help her with her problems. But I have no recollection of anyone in New Mexico named Spacey and now that I look more closely at the picture I think that isn’t even our space vehicle. Ours had USA on the side, I remember, our letters were the really neat wooden ones with the routed edges because we got a deal on them from Home Depot, not those plastic cheap ones they used for America on this spaceship, and it was pointed up more. Anyway thank you for all your cards and letters and remember to include us in your last bequests when you make out  your will. We could use the funding for more programs like this one.

Giants In The Shallows

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Thousands and thousands of years ago before our ancestors were living in trees and checking each other for fleas the earth was a very different place. This was way before menthol cigarettes and GPS in your Chevy suburban. The earth was covered in a lot more water and what is high ground now was low ground then. We still had mountains and valleys but many of the valleys were filled with the wet part of the inland sea and were used as migratory routes for huge and very large creatures that moved around the earth as they completed their life cycle.

They were very much like our modern whales except larger, dwarfing and doubling the size of our 90′ Blue whales of today. They moved about, swimming slowly and majestically, using the narrow canyons to get from one large body of water to another. Had you been there you would have heard their voices echoing off the canyon walls as they sang songs ancient to them at that time.

They were using these watery highways for a very long time as can be seen occasionally by the shallow but smooth troughs made as their bellies slid across the then sandy bottoms of the valleys. Today we see these slick rocky depressions in the stream beds as a smooth surface that the water flowing over and through has made even smoother.

They traveled the same way they do today in pods of undetermined size, mothers and calves swimming ahead and gigantic males following behind to protect them from what ever danger there may have been for them. But the huge males couldn’t defend them from what Mother Nature intended for the world. There was an incredible climatic event that enfolded at a speed unimaginable to us now, where the earth suddenly and without warning changed and was thrust up in a gigantic upheaval raising these valleys and the surrounding valley walls to a height of over 8000′ or more, trapping the unlucky travelers making their way through.

The water drained away and as it did it turned these few pods into stone leaving their shapes behind to show us they were here. The water was slowly replaced by soil made up of eons of trees dying and falling, mixing with the decomposing stone, turning into the rich material that now supports the profusion of wild flowers nestled up against them. The very earth that surrounds and supports these leviathans of the shallows. Today millions of years later you can still see their rocky forms forever caught in an endless migration. Mothers with their calves by their sides, caught as they slowly breached the surface so the little one could breathe. The large males still mostly submerged with just their giant tail fins standing clear of the water, still traveling through time on that endless journey.

This particular pod had been traveling through a valley that we now call Lady Moon and can still be seen by any one with the imagination and desire to see ancient travelers. And if you are particularly fortunate and listen closely you may still hear their ancient songs as the wind catches them off the canyon walls and carries them past you on its way to nowhere.

Redtail Hawk 1 Rattlesnake 0

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As they say out here in Colorado “The mail needed picking up” and since we occasionally get financial remuneration via snail mail and we haven’t had any interns able to pass the strict bonding requirements we have here at The Institute, it fell to the Director to go and get  the mail.

Our mail box is located down the five mile dirt road that gets you up and down from the mountain top The Institute is located on, to the modern one lane highway below. On the way down the ‘hill’ you run the chance of seeing wild animals being wild, such as turkeys walking around trying not to get eaten by the coyotes, elk in both male and female forms, mule deer of course, bears, just the black ones not the big grizzlies that roam further north, foxes, the red ones, the aforementioned coyotes, Eagles mostly Goldens but once in a while a bald one will fly by, and lots of birds. Everything from songbirds to grouse and now some Chukar. Hawks, falcons, pelicans flying by to get to somewhere where there is enough water, lots of migratory birds and our favorite species the Redtail hawk.

The Redtail is the hands down favorite because it does one really neat thing. It hunts, kills, and eats rattlesnakes. Rattlesnakes are what takes the fun out of running barefoot through the tall grass. Rattlesnakes bite. We had a neighbor near us, who was minding her own business doing absolutely nothing provoking, get bit and besides costing what a small Korean car costs it made her foot swell up to the size of your standard microwave oven. And she said it hurt too. A lot.

Most people in this country don’t like rattlesnakes. I mean, there’s a few that like them but they are not the majority by any means. People who don’t like them, the rattlesnakes not the people who do like them, generally hit them with a shovel until they’re dead. It is said by those folks who do like rattlesnakes that one of the reasons we should take these rattlesnakes close to our bosoms, are of the opinion that they do good by eating rodents, therefore let’s have them hang around doing that. Others say “Nope. Don’t think so. Gonna kill ’em”.  We believe that if they, the rattlesnakes, want to act that way they should do it way, and I mean way far away from where good American taxpaying citizens hang around. So there is a difference of opinion there.

It’s amazing that the Redtail hawk sides with the shovel smacking people and kill every one of those rattlers they see. They also pass this trait on to the young Redtail hawks by bringing home the snake, often still wriggling, for their little ones to eat. We at The Institute believe this is laudable behavior and compliment the Redtail parents on their good sense whenever we chance to speak with them.

The image above, which was taken just across the highway from our mailbox, shows the Redtail parent in the act of taking the rattlesnake it has just that moment caught, to a tall telephone pole where it would begin the process of making it not alive. Then it flew it back to the nest for the young to eat. We cheered and gave it the universal thumbs up gesture of approval before returning to sorting out the bills from the junk mail, then throwing the entire mess in the dumpster. I know, you’re saying if you’re just going to throw it all in the dumpster why bother sorting it out. We sort because every once in a while there is a check in there and then we’d have to go back and do dumpster diving which is not very dignified for a Director of a major Institute like ours to be doing. Which of course brings us to, if you’re looking for nominations for the “Most Useful Bird of the Year” award we heartily recommend Nature’s helper the Redtail hawk. Remember vote now and vote often. These birds need our support.

Virgin Morning

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If you’ve noticed your spirits lagging behind you lately, or perhaps they’ve simply gone AWOL, you’re due for a trip to Zion and the Virgin river. It doesn’t matter what time of year you decide to go, the important thing is that you do. Maybe you’ve been cooped up in a tiny little place that is filled with nothing but work, or you’ve been restricted to going from one boring but ugly place to another and haven’t lifted your head up lately because it’s just too depressing, if so don’t despair there is help nearby. Just jump in the car and go to Zion. Hitchhike if you have to. Call your crazy Uncle Skid and say “You up for a road trip?” He will be. But go. It’s for your own good.

This image was taken a little later in the morning, like nearly 11:00. The canyon here is so deep that it takes that long for the sun to climb high enough to light up the river. This is perfect if you OD’d on pizza the night before and could not get your big butt out of bed for anything short of maybe more pizza. The magic of Zion takes into account all the reasons you might have for not maintaining a proper schedule as it says “Look, it’s ok if you slept in. It’s ok that you feel like the ass-end of an ape. We’ve saved something really special just for you.Be happy.” and here it is.
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As an  extra bonus Zion will throw in the quiet murmuring of the river as it glides between its banks, the cool feeling of the boulders as you sit and listen to the songs of the birds, and the rich deep colors of the sun on the water. How you going to say no to that. Come on, you know you want to. See you there.