This is a bear highway. It is used primarily by the resident Institute Black bears as they come and go on bear business. It is the equivalent of Hwy 287, the local highway that was built to service the Institute by the grateful state of Colorado. It is an idyllic looking place, rather like a scenic highway but for bears. One time we sent an intern in there on his hands and knees because you can’t stand up in there it is more like a bear tunnel, to see if he determine the amount of use it got by counting tracks and to see what it really felt like to be on a bear highway. He backed out with very moist pants and wouldn’t talk for three days. All he would say when he finally spoke was “Please Sir, Don’t make me go back in there.” So we figured it must feel kind of scary.

When bears are good and behave like good Institute citizens they have the run of the Institute’s grounds. Like this fellow who likes to sit on rocks, take long walks in the meadows below and compose Haiku in his spare time. He is a known as a “Good Bear”.

However there are also what we call “Bad bears” which are similar in appearance to the Good bear above but are the ones that steal in under the cover of darkness and tear up the garbage you forgot to take down to the dumpsters and rip open the door of your RV and eat all your Oreos plus tearing open the glove box  and eating the registration to the Enola Gay, your 2002 Dodge Powerwagon, so that you have to sit for 4 hours at the DMV to get it replaced and they charge you 50 dollars for the privilege. These are known as Bad bears.

When you are a bad bear you have to go and visit Mr. Rattles in his little enclosure. Mr. Rattles, although not an elected official like a judge, acts in fact, as an Institute judge and handles all manner of high crimes and misdemeanors occurring among our animal citizens and sometimes an unruly intern or two. If you have ever heard of Judge Roy Bean then you have some idea of what it is like to visit Mr. Rattles. If you’re in Mr. Rattles little enclosure then you’re guilty. End of story.

Usually Mr. Rattles will listen to your story then after careful consideration, bite you. Shortly after, you turn to stone and are put out on display as a warning that we don’t tolerate “Bad bears”, such as this one below.

The morale of this story is “Buy your Oreos at Wal-Mart like everyone else. If you find important paper work when you’re ripping open vehicles, Don’t Eat it. Better yet don’t rip open the vehicles. Be a good bear.”