Biyodin-ji gardens Oahu Hawaii                              click to enlarge

Now that our phone lines have thawed out we are beginning to get reports again from our outlying offices regarding the disturbing weather news lately. As you are aware The Institute has a world-wide weather reporting network that keeps us constantly up to date on the latest weather trends. We have gotten reports from our office in St. Petersburg, Russia and they report cold and snow. Our reports from Helsinki are cold and snow. Hibbing Minnesota here in the US has not reported lately due to everyone there having frozen to death. We suspect the report would be cold and snow.

The most disturbing report to cross our weather desk however have been the reports we have been getting from Oahu, Hawaii. Our staff there, which has been very reliable in the past, have begun sending us images from the remote camera outside The Institute’s local weather central. It shows a definite lack of cold and snow. In fact upon close examination of the images there does not appear to be any cold or snow. None. We have been frantically trying to contact the station manager there for confirmation but we are only getting a message stating everyone is down at the beach. Surfing, call back again, Aloha.

As director of The Institute I am the person responsible for the health and welfare of the members of our organization. Since I can not verify their safety there is only one course of action I can take and that is to go there immediately, in person, and assess the conditions.

Consequently I will be boarding the earliest flight to the islands I can get on and will not rest until I have found everyone accounted for and we can get to the bottom of this strange weather pattern that has settled over our 50th state. There is one slight hitch however and that is a small lack of finances that is occurring due to the legal difficulties we find ourselves in after the Christmas furlough fiasco the Institute has just gone through. Having had to bail out dozens of our staff members and send tickets to those stranded in the foreign countries of their origin we are temporarily tapped out money-wise in our travel budget. So we are putting out a desperate plea to our readers for donations of first class tickets on any flight heading to the Hawaiian islands as quickly as possible. Those feeling guilty about not supporting us in the past can also contribute towards our room and board. We have tentative reservations at the Mandarin, one of Hawaii’s most luxurious hotels on the big island, so we can use your assistance immediately.

I sure you can see the urgency in getting this potentially dangerous, even life threatening, situation under control so please, dig deep and contribute all you can. And if there are any slightly more mature female travel agents or possibly unemployed ex-cheerleaders ( team unimportant ) that have extensive knowledge of the islands and wish to donate their experience by accompanying the Director, please send pictures, preferable in your warm weather uniforms, for consideration. Thank you and hurry.