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The Rut. Although it sounds like the opening to a Monty Python skit it is deadly serious for this bull elk. For the last year he has done nothing but make himself ready for this annual adventure. He has watched his diet, worked out, taken much care with his personal appearance and now he is ready for the main event.

This isn’t just singles dating for this guy, this is the real deal. He is determined to collect as many mates as he can as quickly as he can and he won’t be deterred by anything or anyone. This is Polyamory in its truest form. He has just this one shot, if you will pardon the expression, to pass along his genes to as many of his spouses as possible. It is a lot of work but he is highly trained and more than up to the contest.

He has several major problems to overcome. One is collecting as many females as he can, he has to set the mood, run them down, hustle them back to his harem, impregnate them and go after another one.

Another problem is keeping them. During the rut this guy is not the only male working here. There is always somebody lurking in the bushes trying to take his women away from him by hook or by crook. This naturally causes hard feelings and things are said that cannot be taken back and before you know it the Battle Royale is on. My money is on this guy, he didn’t grow those enormous antlers for show.

The last but not least problem he has is keeping his rich tenor voice in shape. It has to have that Barry White sound for bass and Harry Connick Jr for the mid-point with a touch of Aaron Neville at the end to make him irresistible to the ladies and really cheese off the other males. There is nothing more pathetic than having a squeaky, lame song, I mean nobody takes you seriously.

The rut lasts a couple of months or more and then the parties over. He heads back up into the mountains, sheds his antlers, kicks back and rests for a while, then starts all over again. His main concerns at this point are not letting anyone he knows see him without his antlers, not getting eaten by wolves, and making certain he takes care of his voice. Other than that everything’s a slice.