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It’s Fall and love is in the air. Elk are a little different from the other animals because when the rest of the world is in love it’s in the spring but with elk everything happens in the fall, and there’s not a lot of time to get all this courtship and dating stuff done either. Soon the snow is going to be ass deep to a tall Ute Indian, and they’ll be too busy trying to stay alive to have time for the lighter side of life, so they have to get the getting to know you part over as quickly as possible.

Decisions need to be made in a hurry and there’s not much time for the usual questions at the singles bar like “where you from babe” and “What’s your sign” and “Do you like long walks on the beach”. Instead it’s more like “Hi I’m Theodore, C’mere” and if she decides she’s not that interested he’ll just run her around until she gives up out of pure fatigue. It’s a fairly normal first date for elk. Lots of relationships start out that way.

As she’s catching her breath she thinking he’s got pretty big antlers and he’s definitely butch enough and besides he’s already got 15 to 20 other young cows all aflutter over him and she figures she’s better looking than they are, so this just might be an OK deal after all. When she figures out that he can hold his own after knocking a few of her old suitors tail over teacup, she’ll think more highly of him and stick around. There is a halfway decent chance the kids just might turn out alright with this guy.

The herds vitality depends on this Theodore here, and all the other bulls doing their jobs so the cows can get back to putting on the pounds to carry them through the winter. They’ll soon be eating for two or maybe even three soon and snow is on its way. So let’s quit this running around and finish this party and knock this foreplay down to threeplay or even twoplay, time’s a wasting. Then we can all head down to the low country before we get stuck here for the winter.