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You know Mother Nature is a busy person right, she can’t do everything. Some stuff just has to be farmed out. I would say that whoever she selected to be in charge of bird coloring was a snap decision, you know, made in haste, she was on a tight schedule, there was a lot of pressure. We are not just talking about this guy marching to a different drummer, he didn’t even know where the band was playing. This person, and it must have been one of those lowest bids kind of things, must have padded his resume, like, big time.

The ad that went out for this job must have been something like,

Wanted:::Cosmos building individual with busy schedule needs an all around artist with complete command of the color spectrum, must be a freethinker with a deep understanding of the nuances of shading, blending and complimentary color theory to design and provide individual color schemes for a unique line of feathered creatures that propel themselves, unaided, through the atmosphere. These creatures will be collectively known as birds. These ‘Birds’ which are still to be issued, will need to have color schemes that compliment their environment, provide for their safety and not make them look goofy. Send full resume showing past experience with this type of creation, include complete portfolio of proposed artwork with estimated color application cost per bird. If you want your materials returned please provide a stamped self-addressed envelope with return address to, M.N. Cosmos creations, LLC, 3050 Backside of the Moon lane, suite 11c, Earth, 90210. All replies confidential.

We can’t have any idea of how many applicants there might have been but we can speculate on the thoroughness of the vetting process. My guess is that that process too, was farmed out to a another group who had limited knowledge of color and were still dealing with the whole light, dark thing and took the first guy who came along with any thoughts on the matter at all. That they could get him for next to nothing sealed the deal.

Now you can generalize that he did all right when he first started out. Bluebirds are nice, cardinal, crows and ravens, anything with primary colors were a slam dunk and once the boss saw that things were going along ok she went off to handle other bigger more pressing things. What to put on mountains to keep the dirt from sliding down into a big pile at the bottom, stuff to go into the oceans, that’s a big job all by itself, where and how many spots to put on things like cheetahs and leopards, that’s a detail but you got to know about the details before you can delegate the job, and etc., the list was endless, so its easy to see how she might have missed our boy in charge of bird coloring going off the deep end  somewhat.

All in all we got to give him a little credit, it was a huge job after all, and he didn’t screw up all that often, and it had to get a little boring near the end. He had to have his dark days also, look at buzzards for instance or all the scavengers, they could have been handled a little better. But you figure he had to take what they did for a living into consideration while he was contemplating their coloring, and that would be enough to put you off your oatmeal for a while.  No wonder they are just plain butt ugly.

After much consideration I’m changing my opinion of this guy. Even after viewing the Caracara above I’m going to give this guy an 8.7. This was a tough job, much tougher than it looked at first glance. I’m going on record and saying I’d recommend him and if he needs a recommendation, I’m there.