click to enlarge

First off I’d spend a lot of time just looking around, checking out what’s going on, see who’s doing what and generally keeping up with the daily grind out here in wolf land. If you don’t know where the elk are and more importantly where your buddies are, you are not going to be eating warm elk meat this evening. You are going to be shivering your tail off in the snow and hungry to boot.

The next thing I’d be doing is making sure I always kept my wolf face on. Looking like I mean business, squinting a little keeping that Eastwood thing going, the ladies dig that stuff, but staying cool at the same time. It also keeps that young son of a bitch, Render, from getting too cocky. You got to watch the young ones, they’re always hungry and I don’t like the way he’s been sniffing around Misdemeanor either.

Also I’d be working on my image, keeping all that PR going about ‘Wolves are Good’ and having a positive image like what’s-his-name, the one in Dancing with Wolves, man, dead space in my head, I need some protein, oh yeah, Two Socks, that’s it. Now there’s a wolf that’s done some good for the community. I understand he got plenty of bones for that gig, and a t-shirt with this picture on it too. That’s cool.

The other thing I would most definitely do is have the batteries charged in my GPS so I knew exactly where the park boundaries were at all times. It is getting dangerous out there. I heard there were two wolves from that DunRoamin pack that left the building and now no one has heard from them since, not a peep. They’re a different bunch up there in the north end, they name their kids weird and I heard they would even eat Bighorn sheep when they could catch them. The story goes that Ray Everett and Curtis Leroy, two of their better take down guys, went off the res to find mulies but came across some Herefords instead, (first rule in Wolf Law, first one, never, ever, even think about cows) and wolves being wolves, especially dumb ones like these two, probably did what they should never have done. We don’t even talk about it down here. And cow owners being cow owners probably did what they do and that is follow the ‘3 S’  rule which is Shoot – Shovel – and Shut Up. There is plenty to eat around here so teach the young ones like Coppola said, ‘Never Get Out of the Boat’ because there are tigers out there.

Finally I would pack into each day every ounce of joy I could into just being a wolf, spending time with Misdemeanor, nuzzling the pups, especially that little fat one that likes to bite my tail, hanging out with the buds, figuring out the best way to bring that elk down so you don’t get kicked in the jaw like Drooler did, and just letting the incredible experience of life wash over you. That’s what I’d do if I was a wolf.